Dead Nature
by DearSweetPapercut
Summary: 100th story- With the stress of a serial killer on the lose targeting married women- one CSI is forced to address the problems they had been pushing aside.
1. Chapter 1

100th story everyone!

It feels like a long time since I've written a case based story/ one with an investigation embedded throughout.

I feel like I should warn people now this story isn't pretty! **It deals with strong adult themes, mental, physical and sexual abuse.** And I don't want to upset anyone or leave it until it gets too late to warn you.

Please review- let me know what you think and if you want more.

Disclaimer: I own zilch

**Dead Nature **

**(Prologue) **

"It just happened..." Sara shrugged choking back the tears that were stinging her eyes. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, but she couldn't stop herself from shivering; he was watching her with intensity she wished would disappear. "I want to take it back..."

"But you can't" He finished the sentence, his clear blue eyes burning into her skin as they ran over her body studying her frail form. The dark corners of the room seemed to be inched towards her as if trying to trap Sara in this misery, her eyes focused on everything but him; studying the patterns on the carpet, the placement of the furniture.

"I didn't want to" She took a shivery breath casting her gaze out the window at the dull grey of the sky; the overcast weather matching her mood. Birds took flight, their wings moving effortlessly against the dull skies with the abilities to escape something that she envied.

"He forced himself on you?" His voice seemed to rise with slight panic. "Did he rape you?"

"No" Sara shook her head. "I just...I wanted it to stop...I wanted to tell him I couldn't go through with it...but...I didn't say anything..."

"If you really wanted to stop it- you could have stopped it" He said after clearing his throat, brushing his dirty blonde hair out of face. Desperation had brought Sara here- the need to erase the memories that were consuming her.

"I don't know what I want" She looked down at her hands, picking at her nails ashamed of what she'd done and everything that had followed.

"Do you have feelings for him? Or was it just sex?" He asked breaking the silence after scribbling down a note in the file placed on his desk. She watched him wondering what it was that he was writing down- what judgements he had about her as she sat a few feet away surrounded by nothing by the admission of adultery.

"I don't know" Once again Sara shook her head as she attempted to organise her thoughts, all of the things in her mind colliding with all of the things she was feeling. The dark carpets seemed to create the tone of the room- the seriousness of the harsh colours and lines speaking of his approach.

"Did you feel guilty while you were having sex with him? Or did the guilt appear afterwards?" He didn't seem fazed by the broken look in her eyes as he continued asking questions. He was there to do one job and he did not let anything distract him from this.

"I...couldn't focus on anything...but him...he was there...and he...made me feel things I hadn't felt before..." Sara realised she was finding it harder than she had ever imagined she would talking about that night- about what she had done.

"Does your husband not satisfy you?" He raised his eyebrows, the notion clearly peaked his interest as he leant back in his chair studying her reaction.

"That had nothing to do with it." Sara replied almost sternly, shaking her head.

"So sleeping with this other man wasn't a way for you to...explore something physical...to explore the sexual parts of a relationship. To experience something you had not done previously? Did he make you orgasm?" He seemed to be talking but the words were going through her.

She couldn't help but think about the intensity that had coursed through her body as she had let him make love to her. She had memorised the tone of his eyes, the freckles that dusted his skin, the sound of his heart beat that night.

The light above them seemed to brighten like a spot light, as her eyes focused on the way his hands were clasped on the table. It was as if he were accusing her of something that she could not detect on the surface of his words. Something almost unreadable gleamed in his eyes before quickly disappearing once again.

"I'm in love with my husband, he makes me feel loved and happy...we make each other happy" Sara said with an exasperated sigh as she tried to convince herself that the things she was saying were true.

"What do you think would happen if he found out you had sex with someone else?" He raised his eyebrows at her- it was almost as if he was challenging her to think about the situation. Sara confronted the broken gaze with which Grissom would look at her, all of the disappointment and hurt he would feel as he tried to understand- why she would do such a thing.

"It'd break his heart..." She answered in a low voice. "I...I just want to take it back."

"Do you want to tell him?" He questioned carefully watching as Sara slumped forwards in her chair resting her head in her hands as her body curled up with defeat.

"I want to be honest...For once I want to tell him how I feel..." She mumbled barely loud enough for him to hear.

The sound of Sara's phone ringing rang through the silence ending their session. She answered it with an apologetic glance- his eyes not leaving her as she paced listening to the information Greg was giving her over the phone muttering the address under her breath to remember it.

"Sorry about this- I'm going to have to go" Sara announced placing her phone back in her pocket.

"Well...I look forward to see you next time Sara..." He replied with a smile. She gave him a quick nod disappearing towards the door leaving behind all of the feelings she had spoken about.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you all for the reviews so far- I hope you enjoy this- please me know what you think!

**Dead Nature**

**(One)**

Sara climbed out of her Denali the night sky stretching above her for miles extending towards the horizon. The irony smell of blood filled the air as she approached the their crime scene, the sound of her heels clicking against the floor, her steps faltering for a second as she saw Greg standing by the door. His eyes met hers and it was as if the world had stilled and the oxygen had disappeared, her chest constricting.

"He did it again" His voice was low; his eyes downcast and glazed over.

Taking a deep breath of night air, Sara stepped past him taking in the scene with as much detail as she could. The room smelt of disinfectant, the furniture in all of the allocated spaces the only thing wrong with the image before her was the body lying on the bed. The young woman's blonde hair lay in a tangled mess surrounding her, nothing but a lace teddy covering her.

"Is her wedding ring missing?" Sara asked sensing Greg standing behind her but refusing to face him, her eyes focused on David kneeling beside the bed scribbling notes onto his clipboard.

"Yes" The voice behind her informed her. Sara could feel herself shiver, a lump building up in her throat and without wanting to she found herself glancing down at the ring on her left hand.

"Ligature marks suggest she was strangled, he used a stocking. She was also bound for sometime before TOD" The coroner explained with a saddened voice as he cast his eyes over the bruised and bloodied body.

"I need some air" Sara announced shortly her body responding physically to the sight of the body. She turned quickly moving past Greg into the parking lot taking a ragged breath attempting to gather all the professionalism she could.

"Sara" Greg muttered softly in her ear, his hand reaching out for hers but she moved away the idea of physical contact repulsing her in that moment.

"Sorry" She looked him in the eye quickly before glancing away.

"If you can't handle this I'll get someone else" He announced carelessly watching her as a frown creased his brow.

"I can handle it- I don't need your pity" She shot back not being to refrain from being bitter. "I just need some air."

"Are you sick?" He asked with raised eyebrows and some concern.

"No" Sara shook her head taking a gulp of air.

"Are you pregnant?" Greg questioned sternly.

"Why would you ask me that?" With a frustrated groan Sara moved away from him, making her way back into the motel room without bothering to glance back.

The body had been removed and it was almost as if nothing terrible had been in the room, but as Sara made her way to the bed she couldn't shake the atmosphere that surrounded her. She warily began taking photos of the bedspread, gathering together the very few clues the killer had left them. He was meticulous- and as she studied the creases in the otherwise undisturbed bedspread Sara realised that it terrified her.

Sara found herself looking in the mirror at the circle that had been drawn in red lipstick- their serial killer's calling card. Her refection was caught in the image and she couldn't help but see the irony- her head spinning as she studied the person looking back at her. Sara realised she looked exactly the same as she had done before but the very core of her being had changed; she felt lost.

A hand touched her shoulder forcing Sara to flinch dragging her back to reality as rough fingertips smoothed over her arm. Greg appeared behind her, his image reflected within the red ring, Sara's heart stopping as she noticed him, jumping without meaning to. Greg's eyes burned into her, like he was searching her soul for the truth. It made a shiver cross her skin as she desperately tried to tear her gaze away from his. She didn't want him to see how broken she was inside; she didn't want him to see the ghosts reflected in her pupils. She didn't want anyone to see them. She quickly cleared her throat and turned her eyes to her hands absolutely certain that Greg knew exactly what was making her act this way. A blush crept across her cheeks as she recovered from the shock quickly turning to face him.

"Anything" She asked cautiously knowing that if they were still dealing with the same killer there was not likely to be anything giving himself away.

"The room was booked in the victim's name...like all the others" Greg gave a small shrug "The guy behind the counter said- she came in, shaken up- hat, sunglasses, covered up- and paid for the room in cash."

"Did you get the CCTV tapes?" She asked hopefully.

"Yes- but I doubt we're going to get anything from them" He replied. "You ready to head back?"

"Yes" Sara nodded glancing around the room to make sure that she had collected everything. They both awkwardly made their way back to their separate Denali's briefly saying goodbye. The roads passed them by as the streets filled with people ready to escape from their everyday lives.

Sara pulled in the crime lab parking lot shortly followed by Greg- he climbed with an exasperated look waiting on the curb for her as she picked up her kit and box of evidence from the boot.

"You seriously need to retake your driving test- I was behind you the whole way back- I was almost certain you were going to get into an accident" He said matter-of-factly to her as they made their way back inside.

"Well if you weren't driving behind me making me nervous it wouldn't have been a problem" Sara pointed out.

"You're on the roads- there is always going to be someone behind you Sara" Greg shot back. Without saying a word Sara continued walking, making her way towards trace with the hope that Hodges would be able to find something on the little evidence they had in this case.

"Sara" DB appeared at the door. "Sheriff's in the layout room- wants an update"

Sara made her way to the layout room awkwardly standing in the space beside Greg, not meeting his eye as they faced the critical eye of higher powers.

"So- we have five victims- how close are we to getting this guy?" She asked with raised eyebrows, her eyes casting over the images pinned up across the walls.

"We now know that he's targeting his victims through a dating website epically set up for married women looking to have affairs..." Sara began indicating to one of the print outs. "He poses as a single man...interested in no-strings-sex."

"He lures his victims to bars, restaurants... generally places far enough away from where they are located to be unfamiliar and he drugs them." Greg continued. "He keeps his victims for 72 hours...beats them...rapes them...forces them to rent rooms in motels which are known as hot spots for adulterers, where he dresses them up in lingerie and strangles them"

"He uses the victim's cars, their credit cards, their cells phones..." Sara pushed towards the Sheriff an image of a hooded figure standing beside the door. "We have looked over the surveillance tapes of all the motels...We have nothing but this image of him"

"They buy their own deaths..." DB commented as his studied the image of a woman disguised handing over the funds for a motel room.

"This is all we have?" The Sheriff raised her eyebrows. "You better get back to work"

Giving them a stern look, she disappeared out of the door, the sound of her heels clicking as she made her way towards the exit filling the room as the three of the stood with exhausted expressions.

Sara quickly made her exit returning to Hodge's lab, waiting for her results. Greg glanced at his boss attempting to word his concerns.

"What do you want to say Greg?" DB eventually asked leaning against the table as he flicked through the case file.

"Sara...this case...it's really been getting to her. And she's been at work all the hours she can, and she's working on it even when she's not..." He said, knowing that Sara would not appreciate being ratted out like this.

"...And you would like me to have a word with her about work/life balance?" The older man asked with raised eyebrows.

"If you could...She's not listening to me..." Greg shrugged picking up the CCTV tapes they had collected that day.

The sound of the door opening made Sara jump, as she glanced towards the beam of light making its way into the otherwise darkened conference room she had chosen to work in. She had laid out the emails the killer her had sent their victims on the table before her, a small lamp lighting them up.

DB Russell sank into the seat by her side exhaling loudly.

"So, I had this friend once... "He Began. Sara glanced over at him taking a deep breath as she prepared herself for a story. "He lost his dog. Little Spaniel... big brown eyes, long floppy ears... anyway; he went out and looked for this dog every day and every night for... days on end. He was obsessed, like a man on a mission. Then one day his wife told him he had to let it go or she'd lose it with him. To have a rest and look after himself for a change. You know what happened the next day?"

Sara sighed, rolling her eyes "The dog came back" She said deadpanned.

"Right- he took a phone call from the shelter." DB nodded with a satisfied smile.

"What's your point?" Sara retaliated, turning her attention back to her work.

"The point is...sometimes we need to step back and not let things consume us. We're going to find this guy. You working yourself to the ground isn't helping anyone" He said softly.

Sara rolled her neck form side to side in attempts to loosen the knot that had formed at the base, and with some resistance stood up.

"I'm going home" She announced glancing at her watch.

"Good girl" He nodded, at her with a smile that seemed to get under her skin but not wanting to argue Sara walked out of the door with nothing but a wave over her shoulder.

Sara made her way home, strange mood settling into her system as she watched couples drive past hand in hand. With the thousand miles between her and Grissom felt like far too much, as she figured out the time zones while she pulled up into her drive way.

It was far too early to call him- or was it far too late?

With a defeated groan Sara collapsed onto the sofa switching on the TV realising that for now- she was alone.

The door bell rang through the house forcing her up from her spot on the sofa- the movie continuing as she made her way to the door. With an irritated sigh she swung it open, surprised to see Greg standing in front of her.

"Hi" He said softly, a smile tugging at his lips. She had barely noticed the bunch of flowers and bottle of wine in his hand until he offered them to her.

"Hi" Not knowing what else to do Sara stepped aside taking the things he was offering her waiting for an explanation as to why he was there.

"I wanted to say sorry...I was being an arse today...and you don't deserve it" Greg said after clearing his throat- his eyes going to 'He's just not that into you' on the screen before looking at Sara.

"It's okay...I haven't been that great to be around" Sara nodding biting her lip slightly as she moved towards the kitchen. She found a vase placing the flowers inside it, and filling two glasses of wine for them both. She handed one to Greg and took a sip from the other as she leant back against the counter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked stepping closer to her.

"There's nothing to talk about..." Sara shrugged shutting him out realising that she wasn't ready to talk about her problems with someone who knew her enough to know when she was lying.

"I know this case...it's gotten to us..." Greg began talking taking small steps closer to her. "But we've got to stick it out...when we put this guy away...everything will be fine"

"It's going to be okay" He whispered to her, pulling her towards him for an embrace.

Before Sara could stop herself, her hands were firmly on his chest pushing him away from her. Tears stinging her eyes as she studied the man in front of her- the hurt expression crossing his features as he tried to understand what was happening.

"You have to go..." She finally said, the words escaping in a meek whisper. "You need to leave..."


	3. Chapter 3

Hope you enjoy this- rating is officially changing to 'M'!

**Dead Nature**

**(Two) **

The rain rattled against the window and Sara couldn't help but watch the way it collided with the glass, pattering against the pane. He was watching her. She could sense it. His eyes were burning into her skin as she sat with her hands clasped together, her body language dejected.

"How do you feel?" He eventually asked realising that she wasn't going to start speaking. She didn't want to be here, he had noticed that, but she felt like she needed to be.

"Tired" It was the only word she could use to describe how she felt in that moment. "How I always feel"

"Have you spoken to your husband?" The question seemed to resound through the room finally forcing Sara to face him, her eyes clearly displaying guilt

"No" She took a deep breath "I wanted to- but with the different time zones- its hard..."

"I see... How old were you when you met your husband?" He asked his eyes focused on the notes he was scribbling down.

"26" Sara answered wondering if there was any point to this line of enquiry.

"And how many men had you slept with before this?" He met her eye this time, staring her down as Sara shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Why does it matter?" She shot back.

"I'm trying to figure out why you did it...why you slept with another man" He shrugged as if it was simple. "Was it because you met your husband too young and felt as if you didn't have a chance to explore other options..."

"I wasn't too young" Sara shook her head thinking about the years that had passed before Grissom had confessed his feelings to her- the amount of time it had taken for a relationship to form.

"So you were promiscuous?" He placed his pen down as if ready to debate with her. "Or should I ask if you are...Was this the first time you've cheated on your husband?"

"This is the first time" A brush crept onto her cheeks. "I wasn't, I'm not"

"How often do you have sex?" The question reminded her of something Hodges had said before, but she brushed it off.

"Whenever my husband and I are together..." She cleared her throat. "I take some time off every month to visit him..."

"I see...Do you masturbate when he's not there?" His gaze didn't drop from hers.

"I hardly think it matters..." Sara cleared her throat, straightening out her shirt, and her eyes on the door.

"Would you say you're sexually frustrated?" The questions didn't stop, and Sara could feel her skin burning up.

"No...I'm not..." Sara shook her head; it was more than obvious she was lying.

"Tonight...when you go home...pour yourself a glass of wine, take a bath..." He paused grinning at her in a way that made her feel uncomfortable. "And give it a go...We can talk about it next time"

Sara quirked an eyebrow at him as if to assure him that they would be having no such conversation next time they met. She picked up her things, giving him a brief goodbye before stepping out of the office into the parking lot, barely noticing the way the rain was colliding with her skin as she walked to her car.

She threw herself into the driver's seat, resting her head against the steering wheel attempting to collect her thought, her phone burning hot in her pocket. She wanted more than anything to call Grissom- to confess everything she had done wrong- but for some reason the sight of his name on the screen forced a lump in her throat words being stopped by her conscious.

Finally she pulled herself up into a seated position, her eyes going to the second floor office; he was standing there watching her. A shiver ran through Sara's body as she pulled her seat belt on wanting nothing more than to get away from his judgemental gaze.

The whole drive home she found herself thinking about the questions he had asked her and Sara couldn't help but wonder if his insights were true. Perhaps she had given her heart away too young- perhaps she needed the opportunity to make sure she was certain before she fell head over heels in love with Grissom.

It didn't feel like the truth- she'd had the opportunity to move on- Grissom had not returned her affections right away. It had taken many years of persuasion to convince him to give her a chance to prove she could honestly love him. Perhaps it was simply just the chase?

Could it be that her interest had started to fade from that very first kiss?

Sara replayed key moments in their relationship in her mind as she drove. She could still picture the way he looked at her in those early days; like she was the most precious and beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on. She could still imagine his fingers laced through hers and the way he would whisper the most beautiful secrets to her when he thought she was asleep.

She thought back to his proposal, as awkward and coy as it was it embodied Gil Grissom as a person and had meant more to her than he could ever know. Her heart turned in her chest as she recalled the emptiness she had felt when she left Vegas and ran from him. She could still feel the burn of her tears when she recalled the words he had thrown at her after Warrick's death and the intensely overwhelming sense of joy she had felt when he had come after her.

Sara often found herself pressing her eyes closed and imagining she was back in Paris. Those beautiful spring nights where they would sit on the balcony and watch the world go by as the breeze brushed their skin were cherished memories of hers.

They had been through too much to assume that the spark had simply died away. He meant too much to her to assume she could just throw it all away.

But as Sara walked into an empty house she was forced to face the reality of her situation- no matter how much Grissom meant to her- he still was not there. He was living his life somewhere far away from her, completely oblivious to the problems and troubles she'd been having.

She abandoned her things in the hall way not bothering to pick up the post that been piled up by the door. She wasn't in the mood to be organised or tidy, she just wanted a break, she just wanted for all of these feelings to go away. She wandered into the kitchen pouring herself a glass of red wine enjoying the tangy taste it left in her mouth taking the bottle with her as she made her way upstairs.

The answering machine picked up the ringing phone as she ignored the outside world's attempts to contact her as she sat on the edge of the bath tub slowly watching it fill up with water and bubbles. More than anything Sara needed to wash away all of the guilt that coated her skin.

Stripping off her clothes Sara slipped into the hot water keeping a grip on her wine glass, letting it surround her in its attempts to relax her aching body. She closed her eyes leaning back against the back of the tub wondering when the last time she had allowed herself a break like this from work and life had been.

Work had always been a way for Sara to escape from the realities of her empty life but surely now was the time to enjoy what she'd built. She was no longer alone. She had met a man that made her happier than she had ever imagined she could be; for the first time in a long time it felt as if she had a family.

Sara drained the last of the wine reaching for the bottle, topping it up again trying to figure how she had made such a stupid mistake. She realised that she was no stranger to self sabotage. Perhaps that alone would explain how she had fallen into bed with another man; these thoughts forcing her to take a large mouthful of the Merlot as she closed her eyes again trying to shut down at least for half an hour.

The alcohol began to take effect as Sara rested her feet on either side of the tap, her body feeling strangely weightless as water trickled down her legs.

A shiver ran through Sara's body as she found herself responding to her own touch, her hands smoothing over her legs. She quickly found herself letting go, gripping hold of the edge of the tub as she attempted to ignore the strange feeling that filled her system.

The water stirred around her, lapping up against her skin and as she cast her eyes over her body she couldn't help but recall the last time she had felt the comfort of a lover's caresses. Taking a deep breath she pushed those thoughts aside attempting to focus on a memory of her husband. Sara ran her finger tips in gentle patterns across her torso as she remembered the fine details of their wedding night. The blood rush caught her by surprise as she tried to relax closing her eyes, her knees pressed against the tub, her hand slowly wandering lower.

Sara envisioned the feeling of lips tracing kisses along her neck and collar bone, the warmth of a body pressing against her as the world seemed to slip away. The brightly light Parisian room seemed to turn to something darker in her mind.

She couldn't help but image the warmth of his breath on her neck, the feeling of his hair tangle through her fingertips as she muttered in his ear. As Sara imagined looking into his eyes she suddenly found herself feeling breathlessly. The clear blue gaze she had expected had been replaced by a dark, deep glare filled with lust, burning into her skin like he could see right through her.

Her body came to a stop with a violent jerk, her breathing coming in small pants as she attempted to drag her thoughts back to reality.

Sara's eyes snapped open, a shiver crossing her body and a frustrated groan escaping her lips. Anger coursed through her veins as she heaved herself out of the tub.

Her mind wouldn't let go of the forbidden memories she fought to forget.

She wrapped a towel roughly around her body, pulling it tight in an effort to anchor herself to reality. She grabbed the wine glass that was perched on the side of the bath; a few droplets of blood red wine loitered in the bottom. She stared at the liquid swirling around, hypnotised for a few moments like she was looking into flames.

There he was again, in her mind's eye, smiling at her in that way he always did. Sara didn't think when she threw the glass against the wall, watching in satisfaction as it shattered and fell to the floor in a million pieces.

She picked up the discarded wine bottle, taking a long swig and catching her own eye in the mirror. She didn't recognise herself anymore; she wasn't the same person she thought she was.

She shamefully thought about how she had judged women in the same situation as her. When they relayed their stories she would scoff inwardly at their lack of self control and lack lustre morals. She would listen and nod appropriately, but she would judge them. She would assume that they were lying, that one didn't simply fall into bed with another man without it meaning anything.

She tossed the bottle, realising she didn't want to think about these things. They infected her soul and seeped out of her pores. She wanted them to go away as much as her reflection. The bottle hit the glass with a satisfying crunch. The shattering glass spider webbing across the wall, breaking up her reflection until it was as twisted and distorted as she felt. Sara felt every fibre of energy leave her body as she sunk to the floor. Tears overwhelmed her as she pressed her back against the side of the bath and tucked her knees under her chin. Sobs violently shook her body as she tried to let go of all the tension that had been keeping her upright for the past few days.


	4. Chapter 4

Let me know what you think!

**Dead Nature**

**(Three)**

Sara pulled up into the parking lot pausing to watch as people rushed around to and from their cars. She was late and it was more than obvious that she should have been one of those people, she should have been busy doing something but she'd barely managed to motivate herself to get out of bed that morning. The feelings of foreboding as she woke to the morning light had become more frequent as the days passed. Sara would find herself staring at the ceiling just trying to get together the energy to move.

Her eyes travelled to the entrance from where Greg was stood watching her, he raised a cigarette to his lips his eyes not abandoning hers eventually forcing Sara to end their staring match by looking away. She could feel his vision burn into her as she made her way towards him. It was as if with each step she was moving closer to a storm. The hurt, the anger and confusion radiating from him almost burnt her skin with its intensity. Greg didn't understand why Sara was pushing him away- why she had closed herself off to his attempts at comforting her.

"Morning" He said with the slightest venom- a strangely bitter smile tugging at his lips.

"Hi" Sara stood awkwardly before him, realising that perhaps opening up- telling what was going on would be for the best.

"I told DB you weren't feeling well and had gone to the doctors" He informed her of the excuses he had given for her; inadvertently taking a dig at the fact she was late.

"Thank you" She muttered nervously placing her hands in her pockets. "I'm sorry...about the other night...kicking you out like that..."

"No need" Greg shook his head "Let's pretend it never happened"

"Greg I mean it- I really am sorry" Sara took a deep breath. "I haven't been feeling myself recently...and I don't mean to take it out on you"

"Better to take it out on me than yourself." Greg shrugged with a sad smile realising he knew only too well the things Sara would do to punish herself when she felt like she'd done something wrong. He stubbed his cigarette out and tossed it aside. Sara found herself simply watching as he walked away from her- a sinking feeling weighing down her heart.

Sara eventually made her way inside knowing that Russell was going to want to talk to her about her absence at the start of shift. His office was dimly lit, a lamp focusing on a book laid out on the centre of the desk, shining brightly against the darkness.

"Ah Sara...I've been expecting you..." He said with a grin looking up at her as she waited by the door.

"Sorry about this morning...I should have called you..." She said quietly refusing to sit down even when he indicated to the seat opposite him.

"But you called Greg" He pointed out as if unravelling some great puzzle.

"Yes" Her mind scrambled for an excuse. "He was the first speed dial number I hit...and I just didn't think..."

"It's okay..." The older man tried to reassure her, to see her relax but still Sara stood awkwardly watching him. "Nick and Morgan are chasing down a lead...but I promised Greg I'd send him some help- he's in the layout room"

"I'm on it" Sara nodded turning to leave wondering what lead they were working on.

Nick slammed the driver's side door shut stepping out into the bright early morning light, waiting for Morgan to join him.

"Archie tracked down the IP address" He said indicating to the house they had found themselves in front of. "The guy bounced the signal around the web a few dozen times- trying to keep his identity hidden"

"If I was promoting adultery I would" Morgan commented knocking on the door before taking a step back.

"A lot of pissed off husbands out there" Nick added.

The door eventually creaked open a man in his 40s, with greying hair and nothing but a pair of boxers on glared back at them.

"Mr Adrian Vickers?" She asked with raised eyebrows in order to confirm they had got the right man.

"That would be me" He slurred, the smell of whiskey surrounding them.

"We have some questions" Nick informed him wondering if there was any point in attempting a conversation with him.

"Of course you do" He laughed his eyes barely focusing as he turned to Morgan. "Would you like to strip search me officer?" He giggled, his hands reaching for his boxer shorts.

"No" Nick and Morgan both exclaimed at the same time, the harshness of their tones stopping him in his tracks.

"Cuff him Mitch" Nick announced stepping aside. "Leave him in the tank till he sobers up"

With an exhausted sigh they made their way back to the truck wondering whether if this would constitute as progress in their case.

Greg glanced up to see Sara nervously loitering by the door, waiting for some instruction from him. With a sigh he placed his pen down and clasped his hands together on the table still not saying a word.

"What can I do for you?" He asked formally as if they did not know each other.

"Russell said you needed some help" Sara muttered softly, waiting to be invited in.

"Sure" Greg nodded waving her towards the table. "I've been cross examining our victim's lives looking for anything to suggest a link other than this website...perhaps...the killer is linked to them in some other way. Maybe this isn't about sex at all"

Their eyes met across the table, and Sara found herself wanting to hide again, disappear into the background.

"Have you found anything? She asked attempting to keep her attention on the case rather than her own moral, internal, battles.

"No" He shook his head. "Nothing"

"Did the women date any of the same men?" Sara pondered out loud her eyes glancing over the papers Greg had laid out on the table.

"Not from what I can tell" Greg shook his head. "Why would you do it?" The question seemed to be an afterthought rather than anything linked to what they had been talking about before.

"Do what?" Sara raised an eyebrow at him.

"Want to sleep with a married woman?" He asked attempting to understand the pathology of the people they were dealing with.

"Sex with no strings isn't that what all guys want?" Sara shrugged.

"Not all" Greg pointed out firmly.

"Well why would a married woman sleep around anyway?" Sara retaliated with fire in her eyes.

"Because she was lonely" Greg stated with certainty, his eyes meeting hers over the table once again.

"Well our guy was a wash out" smirked Morgan from the doorway "You guys find anything?"

Sara and Greg both turned to stare at her, momentarily stunned into silence as she crossed the room to stand on one end of the table.

"We've just started" Greg clarified with a nod, shuffling papers around.

A tense atmosphere had settled around them, one that Morgan and perhaps even Greg seemed to be oblivious to. She could feel her skin burning up as she tried, and failed, to stifle it.

"I need to step out for some air" Sara muttered, clearing her throat as she moved past Morgan and into the corridor. She stood facing away from them biting at her nails; it was a few moments before Greg followed her out.

"You'll have to talk to me eventually..." He informed her forcing her to turn and face him.

"I can't...I can't do this"

"Just talk to me, I don't know what to do to make this better." Wishing for something, anything, to change how things were.

"It's not going to get better...It's not going to go away. I just want to pretend it never happened." But her memory wouldn't allow for that.

"You're not acting like it never happened" Greg indicated accurately.

"What would you prefer?" Sara raised her eyebrows at him

"If I'm supposed to pretend it never happened I think I could at least have my best friend back." He clarified.

"I can't do this Greg..." She shook her head, feeling suddenly nauseated heading towards the exit.

"You need to stop shutting me out Sara! It's not fair! Let me help you!" He demanded as he followed her to the quiet corner of the parking lot where they took their smoke breaks.

"How can you help me Greg? I feel sick...just thinking about it..."

"You need to let this go - it was one time. Grissom never has to know...you keep acting like this... he'll see right through you!" Greg tried to reason with her.

"I need to tell him Greg. I can't live like this pretending that I'm still the same person." But his attempts seemed to be in vain as Sara continued talking at him.

"You are the same person - we made a mistake."

"You don't understand... I didn't want to" She muttered quietly.

"What do you mean you didn't want to!? From what I recall you were as into it as I was" He accused a frown creasing his brow.

"Just leave me alone Greg" Sara pleaded turning away from him but Greg snapped grabbing her arm- forcing her to face him.

"No. I won't, this isn't my fault. You need to stop blaming me." He growled.

"I'm not blaming you..." She whimpered.

"Well it sure feels like it and I've had enough of feeling guilty over this. We had sex! Big deal... There is no need for Grissom, or the lab or anyone else to know..." Greg raised his voice- storms brewing in his eyes.

"It was just sex?" She seemed to be asking him.

"Obviously it was to you - what do you want me to say? That I'm in love with you? Would that change anything?" He questioned her as if they were in interrogation.

"I don't know." Sara replied honestly. She had never considered what would happen if Greg admitted he loved her, a part of her deep down knew he did, but it wasn't worth the risk thinking about it she'd decided.

"It doesn't matter anyway. You'll still go back to him. You'll still play house when he comes back... only difference being I won't be there to pick you up when he leaves again because you keep shutting me out!"

"Having sex with me wasn't picking me up Greg. You made everything worse." She shot back.

"What about all those other times? The dinner reservations, the cocktail bars, the late night movies, the 3am phone calls from the bottom of a wine glass... it all gets forgotten because of one stupid mistake?" Greg gave a small humourless laugh letting go of her arm and taking a step away. "Stop acting like I forced you into it- you enjoyed it as much as I did. You wanted it as much as I did. Don't pretend that I didn't give you an option to say no- you're not a victim Sara."


	5. Chapter 5

**Dead Nature**

**(Four)**

* * *

_Her erratic breathing filled the room as his body moved over her with a pace she could barely keep up with, her hands clinging to him, her nails scraping down his back. A groan escaped her lips as he kissed her neck, the muscles beneath her finger tips flexing. _

"_Greg" She couldn't help up breathlessly let his name into the air as her body trembled under his. He pulled away looking to her eyes as he kept going knowing that they were both so close to the edge._

_She leant up kissing him softly, a kiss that would say more than she ever would confess as they both came undone in a rush of heat. _

_Their bodies came to a sweet, slow halt but Greg didn't move, he stayed over her kissing her tenderly, the sound of his heart beat filling her ears as their bodies throbbed from their love making._

"_I love you" He whispered breathlessly to her, brushing her hair away from her cheek, kissing her once more before he pulled out of her rolling on to his back. _

_Their fingers tangled together, as their eyes focused on the ceiling, the moment calling for an admission, a confession from her. _

_But she didn't say a word._

* * *

The air in the room seemed to still as Sara picked at her nails, before her eyes images of that night flashing in her vision. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at the man sitting on the other side of the table, his eyes carefully studying her expression.

"Did you...try my suggestion?" He raised his eyebrows, trying to get the session started as she stared blankly into the distance doing everything she could to avoid his gaze.

"Yes..." Sara found her skin burning up as she answered. She hadn't wanted to, but somehow the power of suggestion and the affect of alcohol had resulted in her doing the very thing she had said she would not.

"And..." He wanted details, he wanted more and she found herself shifting in the chair she attempted to make herself comfortable with the idea of talking. It was clear to both of them what he wanted to know was personal, but then against, wasn't that why she'd come here?

To be able to tell someone about all of the inner conflicts, to be able to get answers to explain her behaviour. Perhaps telling him about the thoughts that had infected her mind would help? Perhaps she just needed to get it all out of her system?

"I couldn't stop thinking about him..." She shrugged not knowing how much importance to give the fact.

"Your lover" He seemed to be accusing her, and Sara flinched at the words simply nodding in response. "What do you think that means?"

"That it meant more than I thought it had done..." She replied honestly.

"But you said it was just sex"

"I think...I was wrong" Sara looked away again as the words she had just said sunk in. "I did it again"

"Did what again?" He asked with a frown.

"We made love...He came over...We were just going to talk..." She admitted guilty, realising that she couldn't wipe away the memories of that night. They were playing over and over like a broken record as she attempted to figure out how they had ended up in bed again. They were just going to talk, try to put what had happened behind them.

"Don't you value yourself higher than that?" He asked through gritted teeth, the way he was looking at her all of sudden becoming more critical than before.

"I guess not" She shrugged dejectedly.

"Sara can't you see he's using you?" It was as if he was pleading with her to understand but it just didn't seem right.

"He's not...he loves me" Sara assured him but he didn't seem convinced.

"Is that what he told you?" The question seemed to be laced with doubt.

"Yes- he's been telling me that he loves me for twelve years...and I believe him" It was true. Greg had always worn his heart on his sleeve, he had never hid his feelings for her but somehow Sara had never managed to reciprocate.

"Do you love him?" The very question she'd been dreading made its way into the air lingering in the room, like it had done in her bedroom.

"I should...He makes me laugh, smile, he's always been there for me..." She responded with some guilt.

"But..."

"My husband...I've worked so hard for this" Sara thought about all the years she had spent waiting for Grissom to realise just how much he meant to her, and how much she wanted him in those early years.

"How so" It was almost as if he didn't believe her.

"I had to battle with him to see how much I loved him, how much I cared, and even when we finally were together...He's always been so distant...complicated"

"And this other man isn't"

"No...He's...Greg...He's honest..." Sara realised that she didn't know how to describe Greg.

"Why are you leading two men on...when you only love one of them?" He asked matter-of-factly.

"I'm not leading them on..." She frowned slightly, shaking her head.

"Are you telling me you're not that type of woman?" He raised his eyebrows with slight surprise.

"What do you mean?" Sara leant back in her chair trying to understand what it was he was asking her.

"You make yourself available...men will think they have a shot..."

"I don't make myself available..." She protested but he did not seem convinced.

"You must be leading them on. Men don't chase women who claim to be unavailable."

Sara felt dumbfounded as she tried to follow the logic of his argument- it was true that perhaps she could have said a firm 'no' to Greg many years ago but she never had imagined that it would all come to this.

"I guess...I could have made it clearer to Greg a long time I go that I wasn't interested in him in that way...We were just friends back then" She stated flatly.

"But you didn't..." He scribbled something down on his note pad. "Do you enjoy the attention he gives you?"

"What do you mean?" Sara titled her head slightly as she studied the strange piece of art on the wall behind him.

"Do you like the way he looks at you...does things for you...buy's you things..." He explained, articulating with his hands.

"I didn't really notice" She replied shortly.

"That's interesting..." He pressed his lips together.

"We've always gotten on so well, we make each other laugh, our relationship has always been comfortable...the other things...they didn't matter" She attempted to justify how she had managed to get so close to Greg despite knowing that their feelings weren't mutual.

There was a pause while he studied her, as if trying to see what she really thought and meant. Sara shifted uncomfortably for a few moments, glancing out of the window at the weather before turning to face him again.

"How's your relationship with your father?" He questioned her with a seriousness that made her nervous.

"He died when I was 10" Sara informed him, she wasn't going to give away any more.

"That explains a lot"

"What's the supposed to mean?" She found herself sitting up straight all of a sudden.

"...It explains the longing you have for male attention - also you're husband is older than you... an authority figure... you're attempting to replace a role you missed growing up..." He began speaking as if she were a textbook case.

"That's not true" She shook her head but he ignored her disagreements with his theory.

"You're low self esteem is another issue... were you abused as a child?" He asked the question as if it were just another casual question.

"I don't want to talk about it- my childhood has nothing to do with this" But he just ignored her putting forward more questions.

"You'd be surprised...as adults our lives, our behaviours follow patters, most of which can be detected in early childhood..." He informed her.

"I don't think this is one of those situations" She persisted in disagreeing with him.

"Do you think it's the only way you can keep him? Do you feel like you have to give him your body because you have nothing else to offer?"

"I'm not feeling well"

Sara clearly her throat, ignoring the ways her eyes were stinging as she made her way to the door not bothering to look back as she left his office.


	6. Chapter 6

Please review- let me know what you think!

**Dead Nature**

**(Five) **

Greg leant back in his seat looking around at the people milling around the booth he had chosen to sit at while he waited for Sara. She had promised that they would be able to talk over breakfast; once and for all sort of what was going on between them. But as he glanced down at his watch it hit him that she was already an hour and a half late. The smell of coffee overwhelmed his senses as his body attempted to wake up and get a grip on the day, trying to figure out what Sara's absence meant.

The night before had felt so surreal and as Greg tried to come to terms with what had happened it was as if he was deluding himself. He had went to see Sara, to say sorry because no matter how much her distance hurt him he wasn't ready to let go; to lose her. He'd armed himself with her favourite chocolates, having picked out the coconut ones he knew she hated. They were only going to talk, clear the air between them.

But like before they went too far- like the last time all the boundaries they had put in place melted away. They had found themselves in bed again giving in to the strange weakness they had attempted so many times to push out of their systems.

All of that resistance had turned into passion; all of the things they had been trying to hide had lit up once again in their eyes as they gave in to something as powerful as waves.

Greg had been terrified by the fall out- he had tried so hard to prepare himself for the blame, the anger and the resentment that would no doubt present itself once again in Sara's eyes. The past few weeks had been more painful than he could have ever imagined- the way she had pushed him away, and shut him out- seemed to reinforce just how much he needed her.

It hadn't happened- Sara had simply just looked at him with a sad smile and no words letting him wrap her up in his arms. She hadn't lost her temper; she hadn't hurt him by telling him that it meant nothing. But as Greg glanced around he realised that perhaps he had been fooling himself all of this time by thinking that everything would be okay- that they would be able to simply just be together.

Looking around once again her nervously wondered if Sara's conscious had spoken up about the way they had collided and the regret she had tried to fight off had made its way back firmly in the forefront of her mind. Greg glanced down at his phone but there was no message to explain why she was not there.

With an exhausted sigh he finished the rest of the coffee in the mug in front of him, wincing as the bitter cold liquid slid down his throat. He wondered what would happen at work when they saw each other- would he be able to look into her eyes and not give away what had happened?

He had been warned enough times by Nick to remember that Sara was now married- that she had given her heart to someone else. Would he really be able to pretend that he was now not more in love with her than he had ever been?

The question that really needed an answer- did she love him?

As he slowed at the traffic lights, Greg couldn't help but wonder if that was what the guilt she had been feeling was about- was she guilty that she no longer loved her husband? Or was it simply just the fact she was ashamed about giving her body to someone else?

All of these years he had attempted to convince himself that one day Sara would see just how much she meant to him- that she might one day feel the same way about him. But as Greg cast his eyes over the grey skies above them he wondered if he had just been lying to himself just to have something to look forward too.

In the past few years he couldn't start to deny the feeling that there was something missing in his life. Perhaps this was just growing up. All of the years in the field had changed him- he no longer had the detachment away from the realities. Things were no longer measureable and easy; he had finally be exposed the dark, disgusting realities of life.

With a deep breath, he turned up the music on the radio and considered when he had started feeling so alone. They had all become so jaded- there was no way anyone could deny that.

Greg pulled up his car in his usual parking space, casting his eyes over the parking lot to see if Sara had made it to work but there was nothing- he could not see her car. He could imagine her having locked herself in her room- attempting to think away all of the mistakes that seem to be unfolding in her life.

As he made the short walk to the break room he attempted to picture her calling Grissom in tears- telling him what they had done. Greg wondered how their ageing ex-boss would react to the news. Perhaps he had always been expecting it- perhaps his resistance to Sara originally had come from the knowledge that maybe one day she would hurt him.

If Grissom left her- surely she would turn to him? She would be his.

It was a horrible thing to think, Greg realised as he poured himself a cup of coffee- he couldn't wish that on her or on Grissom. They didn't deserve that. But that was the only way he could see things going the way he wanted them to.

That or adultery.

"Ah Greg there you are" Nick's voice seemed to drag him back to reality pushing away all the thoughts that had seemed to plague him since the night before. It struck Greg then just how exhausted he was.

"Here I am" He said with a sleepy smile as he sat himself down at the table looking up at his friend. "What can I do for you?"

"Have you heard from Sara?" The older man asked, and it was as if it had been a catalyst for his heart sinking.

"No" Greg replied, taking a sip from his coffee hoping to cover up the feelings that had overwhelmed him.

"Oh- it's just she's not in and no one can seem to get hold of her" Nick said slowly as if the words would mean something special to him but no such response came.

"She's been feeling unwell a lot the past week or so- maybe she's sick?" Greg suggested with a small shrug.

"Yeah I noticed that...but you know Sara- she's not going to take time off" He laughed with a small knowing smile.

"Well it looks like she has" He responded, the slight bite in his tone not going unnoticed by his friend. But as much as Nick wanted to ask what was wrong realised that it would only make Greg defensive.

"Okay...well if you hear anything from her- let Russell know what's going on" And with that he disappeared out of the room leaving Greg alone with all of his thoughts.

He couldn't help but feel a small amount of anger bubbling up in his system as he tried to work out where Sara was. Abandoning his coffee Greg made his way to Russell's office realising that he had no good reason not to be working but he needed to sort all of this out.

For once he just needed a straight answer from Sara.

"Hey- have you heard from Sara yet?" DB asked sensing who it was before he had even bothered looking up from his papers.

"No but I have a good idea about where she is" Greg announced, his hands limply at his sides as he attempted to think of an excuse to go and find her but realised that he came up empty and decided to simply just state his intentions. "I'm going to go find her"

"Greg... Don't get me wrong, I know how complicated relationships can be but when people I rely on start disappearing or causing discomfort in the office I take notice. And when I start taking notice... I notice a lot of things you know?" He said as if warning the younger man of what he was aware of but Greg was in no mood to be reasonable.

"And what, exactly, have you noticed?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"You and Sara...whatever is going on between you- you need to leave it at the door when you clock in..." Russell clarified.

"Easier said than done" Greg frowned, crossing his arms across his chest standing his ground.

"What you get up to behind closed doors isn't my problem...My problem is the fact that Sara is not here and she's supposed to be" He took a deep breath. "...And I don't need you to disappearing either"

"Yeah" Without another word Greg turned around making his way out of the office realising that there was no point in forcing Sara into talking to him- she would only push him away more.

"So Mr Vickers...Can you tell us what made go from promoting adultery to killing your clients?" Morgan asked as she slipped into the seat beside Nick.

"I haven't killed anyone..." He stated.

"Can you provide an alibi for the times of all five of these murders?" Nick raised his eyebrows.

"Actually...yes I can...I was on a Cruise until two days ago..." Adrian said nervously. "With my girlfriend...over 2,000 people can verify where I was"

"How does your wife feel about that?" Morgan asked with a small smirk.

"She left me"

The CSIs couldn't help but feel a strange feeling of wariness as they made their way out of the interrogation room realising that their only suspect had fallen through. It had taken almost two hours attempting to get straight answers out of Adrian Vickers and still they knew nothing more than they had done since starting.

Greg watched the clock, the end of shift drawing near as he anticipated the ability to finally be able to do something about the situation he had found himself in. And once the time came, he made his way to his truck without a word.

From the outside Sara's house looked as it always did, there was nothing about it to suggest that anything had happened. The clouds gave a rumble above him, and he thought it strange how the weather had decided to match his mood.

With a deep breath Greg made his way up the stairs of the town house to the door, he rang the bell and stepped back. There was no response. So once again he tried but still no one answered the door.

"Sara, answer the door you can't shut me out forever" He shouted through the letter box but no reply came from the other side. Greg found his phone calling the house phone; from the door he could hear it ring, echoing around the house but still there was no movement- nothing to suggest that anyone was in.

He glanced around, remembering that Sara had mentioned not being close to her neighbours; they would have no idea where she was. Greg climbed back into his car running through all of her usual haunts, through the places he knew she would hide as he began his drive around the city.

Almost four hours had passed when he finally gave up, driving back to his own house. Greg hit Russell's speed dial realising that he had no other option but to report what he had found. The phone rang for a few moments before the clicking sound of someone answer entered his ears. He realised that all he could think to say was state the truth.

"I think Sara's missing"


	7. Chapter 7

Review- let me know what you think!

This is the start of the gritty stuff...please be warned.

**Dead Nature**

**(Six) **

Sound came first; Sara could hear footsteps ringing her ears, echoing around in her mind as she attempted to make the distinction between reality and imagination. Second came sight; the room blurred and swirled before her as opened her eyes unable to focus on anything. Sara took a deep breath, leaning her aching head back against the cool wall, trying to focus all of her attention on figuring out where she was.

"Our sessions weren't getting us anywhere Sara...I decided to take things into my own hands" An oddly familiar voice announced.

"What's going on?" She mumbled trying to get her bearings pushing her back against the wall trying to keep up right.

"I'm teaching you a lesson...I'm giving you what you deserve" He said as if it were obvious why she was there. The darkness of the room came into view, and the sight of the bed in the corner forced Sara's stomach to tie up into knots. A woman lay tangled with the sheets her wrists and ankles firmly handcuffed to the posts.

Her eyes met Sara's and the panic rising up in them was more than she could handle. He appeared before her forcing her to look at him, his face inches from her; she could smell the whiskey on this breath, see the stubble creeping up his cheek bones and feel the heat radiating from his skin.

"I thought you were different...you seemed so different..." He studied her, his critical blue eyes washing over her as if he could see through her, into the very core of her being.

Sara remained silent, she realised that she didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to respond. Her head ached, her limbs like dead weights against the floor as she realises she was cornered, there was no way out.

"Why did you do it Sara?" He seemed to be pleading with her for an answer, brushing her hair gently away from her face. It was more than clear what he was capable of and as much as she didn't want to Sara flinched at his touch like it was burning her.

"I...I don't know...I made...a mistake" She desperately searched for the right things to say, to make this stop.

He stepped away, wiping the sweat from his brow, taking a swing of the whiskey bottle in his hand, his eyes turning to the bed. The other women attempted to disappear, inching away as far as she could but it only seemed to make him laugh.

"Sara I'd like you to meet someone" He moved back towards her, pulling her roughly by the arm, dragging her to the other side of the room.

"Meet Jamie" He hissed her ear almost bending her double over the bed so she could take a good look at what was going to become of her. As much as she wanted to look away Sara found herself studying the broken, bruised body that lay before her.

"You two have a lot in common" He muttered into her ear, throwing Sara back against the wall with little regard to how she fell. "Why don't you two get to know each other" He said with a shrug making his way towards the door slamming it shut on the way out.

Sara shuffled along the floor, her attempts at crawling stopped by the cuffs keeping her hands firmly behind her back.

"Jamie" She said nervously, trying to get the woman's attention. "Jamie- Stay with me"

"There's no point" Jamie croaked turning to face her. "We're not going to be saved"

"We will" Sara tried to assure her but it seemed to empty.

"He'll break you..." She whispered; the words seemed to surround Sara choking her as she tried to keep positive imaging the team figuring out what had happened.

"What happened to you?" She asked trying to stop herself from falling.

"Same thing that's going to happen to you ... and whoever he brings in next"

The words were filled with desperation for Sara to understand that this was not going to end well but still she looked around hoping for a way out. But they were stuck in a small windowless room, with no clue as to where they were.

The sound of the locks clicking forced Sara up right, as she scrambled back to her place against the wall. He smirked at her as he locked the door, slipping his jacket from his shoulders, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Sara found herself taking a deep breath, trying to merge into the wall- to disappear from his sight but it only seemed to rile him up more.

"Did your father hit you Sara?" He asked with a quirk of his eyebrow. "Did he tell you, that you deserved it?"

Their eyes met and Sara couldn't help but nod, wondering if answer his questions would stop him doing the inevitable. He perched himself on the end of the bed, undoing his belt, casually pulling it from the loops on his trousers.

"Did he rape you? Tell you that it was your little secret?" Again he paused for an answer- one that Sara did not want to give. He stood up the belt hanging limply from his hand as he studied her. He'd turned towards the bed, the belt casting against Jamie's skin as she cried out, the pain filling the room.

"Tell me Sara...Did he?" He was facing her once again wanting to know her, understand her. It was all just to locate her weaknesses, to break her down and she knew that well enough so she had tried to remain silent. But it didn't matter- she wasn't the only one who was going to suffer this time.

"Yes" Sara shouted at him wanting him to stop but it didn't work, a strange gleam crossed his eye as he smiled knowingly at her. Tears escaped past her eye lashes as much as she wanted to stop them, falling back against the wall.

"Has he ever hit you Sara? Does your husband remind you of your father? Is that why you want to hurt him?" He asked, the snap of the belt hissing in the air, the whimper hard to ignore as Sara pressed her eyes closed.

"No" She muttered honestly. "He's never hit me..."

"So you're just a whore" He laughed. "I'm disappointed." he chimed as he clambered on top of Jamie.

"So what is it about this other guy you like so much...that you fell in bed with him twice?" He asked as if he was trying to understand but in all honesty he didn't care- it made no difference why she had done it- it was simply the fact she had.

"He's a friend" She shrugged, realising that Greg meant so much more than that. He had been there for her when she felt more alone than she had ever imagined being, he's always been there to pick up the pieces. He was the one that saved her no matter what- could she honestly just call him a friend?

"A friend" He laughed punching the woman beneath him. "...Do you make a habit of sleeping with your friends?"

"No" Sara replied, her lip quivering as she tried everything she could to stop herself from crying again. "I don't..."

"Really... I bet they think you're a slut...just hang around...until you're feeling low, swoop in and take advantage of you. But you don't say anything...you just let them...because you have no self respect Sara" He spat as he kept on attacking her.

"Stop it" She screamed across the room just wanting him to leave Jamie alone.

"Tell me...tell me all about it Sara...and I'll think about stopping..." He mocked, the sadistic gleam in his eye making her feel sick.

"What do you want to know?" She asked desperately willing to give him anything just to make him stop.

"What was it like? Was it different?" Sara looked at him blankly trying to understand the questions he was asking.

"It was..." She nodded, forcing her mind to go back to the night she had been trying to forget. All those moments of weakness came flooding back into her conscious as she looked around for anything that would give her an advantage.

"How?" He seemed to spit the word out. He wanted every detail, he wanted to know how she felt that night, how it had changed her.

"It felt different..." She realised she had no idea how to put what she felt into words. Everything had happened so fast, she had been feeling so lost she'd barely had a chance to process what she had attached to the things that had happened that night.

"Did it feel better? Did you prefer it when he fucked you?" The words remained bitterly on his tongue.

Sara looked away, not wanting to answer the question, but the sound of Jamie's scream as he twisted her arm made her reply.

"Yes" The word was like a rock being thrown across the room. She had admitted it. She had confessed the one thing that she had been trying to push aside and ignore all of this time.

"Do you pretend it's him when you make love to your husband?" He asked in a low voice.

"No...No...I don't" She shook her head. It was not a lie, she had never thought about Greg in that way, not until recently. The way they were...it just had happened.

"Don't lie to me Sara..." he growled.

"I'm...I'm not" She shook her head, leaning back against the wall, tears streaming down her face as all her attempts at self control just seemed to melt away. She was exhausted; she couldn't handle this, not now.

But he didn't seem to care, he just watched her with amusement as she broken down before him, crumbling under the pressure.


	8. Chapter 8

Why hello there everyone- hope you all had a brilliant weekend and don't have that bad a Monday (5 am starts are starting to take their toll on me- I can't lie!).

Please review- let me know what you think about the story, what's going on etc.

**Dead Nature**

**(Seven) **

The team stood aside as Officer Ackers kicked open the door, small splinters of wood flying off the door frame as it gave way. It felt wrong being inside Sara's personal space like this. They had gotten used to desensitising themselves from looking at a victim's home just as a place that told a story. But this was a friend's home, inside were her things. As they stepped through the door it became clear that something bad had happened there- things seemed to be scattered about without any order.

"What on earth happened here?" Nick spoke for them all looking around at the mess.

"Nick Morgan...you get started in here...Greg and I will take the kitchen...We can work our way up" Russell instructed trying to maintain all the professionalism he could in the light of the events that had transpired.

They began in their separate spheres processing what they could find hoping that it would lead them to some clues as to where Sara was. Greg snapped photos of the wine glasses on the kitchen counter swallowing the lump that had appeared in his throat. He knew he needed to say something- but every time he turned to face Russell he would find the words trapped in his throat.

"Guys..." Nick and Morgan appeared at the door with grave expressions.

"What's going on?" Russell asked stopping in his tracks.

"We found traces of semen on the sofa..." Nick stated flatly.

"And...I found this torn bit of fabric..." Morgan held up a small evidence bag. "It looks like it came from a blouse..."

"What are you saying?" Greg asked with raised eyebrows leaning back against the counter trying to catch his breath.

"...I think...We think...Sara was sexually assaulted" His Southern drawl doing nothing to comfort tem as he announced the theory that they had came up with.

"Guys go check up stairs...if there is any more evidence to support that...right now we only have a theory..." Russell stated attempting to keep them all calm. Nick and Morgan simply just nodded disappearing leaving them alone and Greg knew that it was time he needed to say something.

"I think there's something you should know about...Sara and I. We...we were together last night...before... she went missing. I thought maybe she was just mad at me..." Greg stumbled over his words knowing exactly what the ramifications of what he was saying were.

"Do you know if she was going to meet someone?" The older man asked.

"You don't need to test that DNA... I can tell you who it belongs to" He gave a small shrug pouring the content of the wine glasses into evidence jars.

"What do you mean?" Russell's voice seemed to hitch slightly as he attempted to understand what their conversation was revealing.

"Those things you've been noticing? They're kinda about to become public knowledge...It's going to be my DNA all over that sofa... and the bed." Greg stated bluntly.

"You did a stupid thing Greg, we'll work around it. Let's just find Sara" Greg just nodded surprised at the lack of anger that was being thrown his way. He realised that he still needed to be cautious- he was certain Nick's response wasn't going to be as sympathetic.

"Upstairs we found more evidence of sexual activity...hard to tell if it was consensual or not...the place is a mess...everything been tossed." Nick explained as they made their way upstairs. "This isn't Sara...she'd never leave her house like this"

"Guys..." Morgan appeared from the bedroom flipping through a small black book. "I found Sara's diary...The last thing written in here for the day she went missing was an appoint with a Dr Becker- I found his card at the front...He's a shrink"

"...Why's Sara been seeing a head doctor?" Nick asked glancing around at the team as if one of them would be able to answer for her.

"Pay this Dr Becker a visit...Greg and I will finish up here" Russell said, glancing at the younger man standing beside him making it clear that they still had a lot of talking to do and that he would not simply get away with confessing what he had done.

"I'll call Brass ask him to meet us there" The older CSI announced as he made his way down the stairs.

Dr Becker's office was in a low rise building, the large windows of his office looking out onto the car park. As they made their way upstairs they noted how poorly it was decorated wondering how they would have felt were they there as patients.

"How can I help you?" The receptionist asked with a bright smile.

"We're here to see Dr Becker" Brass announced making it clear that they were not in the mood to say no. The woman simply just pointed to one of the offices, her expression changing quickly as she noticed the seriousness with which they had appeared.

"Dr Becker?" Morgan asked the man at the desk. He glanced up with a frown before closing the notes he was working on.

"What can I help you with- I have a patient coming in, in ten minutes" He announced abruptly.

"I'm Nick Stokes, this is Morgan Brody we are from the Las Vegas Crime Lab" Nick began. "We...are here to talk about one of your patients...a Sara Sidle"

"I'm sure you know I can't talk about my patients...confidentiality is an issue I take very seriously" He stated flatly.

"We know Dr...But Sara is missing, and she had an appointment scheduled with you yesterday..." Morgan added.

"Yes..." He took a deep breath. "Since you are here...I should tell you I've been worried about her"

"Worried...Why?" The Detective frowned at him.

"She'd told me some distressing things...she was in a very dark place...I could sense she was not coping well..." Ivan commented, pulling himself to his feet.

"Why?" Nick pushed for more information; he couldn't but frown as he tried to make sense of what they were being told.

"I'm really not at liberty to say" He shook his head.

"It would really help our investigation" Morgan offered him some small persuasion. For a moment he seemed to just stare at them weighing out the odds of what would happen if he told them.

"My patients are vulnerable people...you need to understand that...if they feel like they can't trust me...Then I won't be able to help them get better" He made a good pitch.

"You can help Sara by telling us what you know" Brass growled.

"Sara...had been assaulted... she felt like she had no one to turn to" Ivan stated with some resistance.

"Assaulted?"

"Sexually assaulted...by a friend" The Doctor eventually said.

"A friend? Did she give you a name?" Nick asked.

"She mentioned a...Greg...I think- I've been letting her talk about what happened at her own pace..." He gave a small shrug, turning to his file cabinet, flicking through the notes.

"And what did she say happened?" Nick asked not wanting to believe the information they were being given.

"You know-"

"Yes we know...but we're talking about the welfare of a person here, we just want to do our jobs. So you help us...and we'll leave you alone to do your job doctor" Brass shut him down abruptly.

"Fine..." He took a deep breath. "She told me that she'd been upset one night and he'd come over as a friend to comfort her. And one thing led to another..."

"What does that mean?" Nick narrowed his eyes.

"This man...Greg...He forced himself on her...She was adamant she didn't want to have sex with him but he would not take no for an answer" Ivan shrugged.

"And you didn't think to call the police when she told you this?" Morgan asked tucking her hands into her coat pocket, glaring at the man in front of them.

"Look that is not a part of my job..." He shook his head with a small shocked laugh. "Despite everything Sara did not see what was done to her as a crime exactly"

"What did she see it as then?" Brass snapped.

"She blames herself...She believes that she may have been too trusting...to provocative..." He spoke as if he had insight into what Sara was currently feeling.

"That doesn't sound like Sara..." Nick shook his head.

"I don't usually do this...but I hope it'll help you find Sara. And that it's not too late" With a small sigh Ivan handed them Sara's file, making his way back to his desk. "She's not feeling herself...she's been very depressed"

As they made their way out of the office a strange silent atmosphere settled between the three of them as they tried to understand the information they had been given.

"Greg would never hurt Sara" Nick stated plainly as if there was nothing to it but a lie. But it occurred to them- why would Sara's therapist lie to them?

They couldn't pretend they hadn't noticed the change in her behaviour, the way she'd been shutting herself off from everyone. More than one of them had caught her in tears in the locker room, her car, the storage cup board, while on her cigarette break.

And the tension between her and Greg had been simply just taken as a feud between two former friends but what if it had been so much more than that?

"Maybe he got the wrong name? Perhaps Sara mentioned Greg but Becker confused the man who assaulted her for him?" Morgan suggested attempting to rationalise what they had heard.

"Why would Sara not tell us she's been assaulted?" Brass asked as he searched his pockets for his car keys.

"The same reason other victims don't tell us" Morgan shrugged. "She was scared...ashamed..."

"But if someone had hurt her- we could have helped" Nick argued.

"It's difficult to put yourself out there like that..." The blonde continued attempting to justify what had happened. "We should speak to Greg..."

"And say what? Did you rape your best friend?" Nick asked outraged at the idea.

"We can't just pretend we didn't hear what he just told us" Morgan insisted. "And if Greg knows anything that can help..."

"Do don't seriously think that he'd be capable of doing that do you? You don't think Greg could force himself on a woman? Let alone that he could do that to Sara?" Nick seemed to pause, turning to face, his hands curled up into fists as he defended one of his closest friends from such talk.

"Look I'm not saying-" She sighed as the sound of her phone running cut through the tense atmosphere, she shot Nick a meaningful look as she answered it.

"Brody...Hello...Henry...What do you have?" She paused, taking in what was being said, a frown placing itself firmly on to her features. "Are you sure about that? Okay thank you...bye..."

"What's going on?" Brass questioned her about the expression that had crossed her features. He hadn't joined in their conservation about whether Greg could have been capable of hurting Sara- he didn't want to think about it but he knew only too well that people were able to do a lot more harm than they let on.

"Henry ran the DNA and the results came back on the semen found on the sofa...and the bed..." She took a deep breath, her eyes searching around the parking lot as if she were looking for some kind of explanation to the information she had just been given.

"And?" Nick frowned trying to understand the weight of her silence.

"It belongs to Greg"


	9. Chapter 9

**Warning everyone- This is most certainly an 'M' rated chapter - I don't want to upset anyone!**

Review- let me know what you think!

**Dead Nature**

**(Eight) **

Sara could feel shivers wind around her spine, as the sound of the lock clicking filled the small space she had been left in that morning. He appeared at the door with a smile that made her feel sick. She leant back further against the wall, keeping her eyes focused on him not wanting to miss a single one of his actions out of fear.

"How are you Sara?" He asked perching himself on the chair by the door.

"Screw you" She spat not being able to stop the resentment that seemed to be infecting her system.

"I thought not...you're friends came to see me today..." Ivan smiled at her again. "They seemed worried about you...I told them what you told me...That he made you...that he didn't take no for an answer...and that you weren't coping"

"I never said that..." Sara exclaimed, exasperated by his manipulation of her words.

"That's odd...Because I clearly recall you saying 'I didn't want to'" He laughed. Sara just closed her eyes trying to keep herself together, to stop the anger forcing words from her throat she knew she would regret.

"I think they're going to work out it wasn't your boyfriend...I've seen him...he doesn't look like he could hurt a fly..." He mocked. "Perhaps we need to give them something to worry about..."

With a terrifying look in his clear blue eyes he moved towards her, forcing Sara to recoil as she attempted to stay out of his reach but quickly realising that was impossible. His fingertips traced on her ankle, his touch burning across her skin.

"What do you think we should send them?" He asked her with raised eyebrows. "A finger...a toe..."

"Please" Sara whimpered as he slowly ran his hand up her leg.

"Oh Sara...I never imagined you to be the vain type..." Ivan teased; he turned the locket she was wearing over reading the engraving. "'From Greg'...aw how sweet"

Without a word he held the pendent in his hand firmly tugging at it, ripping it from her neck, the chain leaving its impression on her pale skin.

Ivan's hand clamped around her wrist- the clammy sweat that lingered on his fingertips searing her skin. She bit back a wince as he heaved her to her feet staring into her eyes looking for fear but finding defiance instead. She would not give him the satisfaction of breaking her, she had faith that her friends would find her. One way or another- this would be the last time he would hurt a woman this way.

"I have a surprise for you" He hissed in her ear before he twisted her arm viciously and pulled her to the door.

He was only slightly taller than her, if she stood upright she could look right into his eyes and see the pleasure he was taking from her pain. She had looked into the eyes of many horrific killers in her time. She had seen the horror's reflected in the eyes of people who had abused children or killed entire families, she had sat across a table from some of the most notorious murderers in the country and yet none of those people had made a chill cross her body quite the way Ivan could. None of them had ever seemed to take so much joy and satisfaction from another person's misery.

He held her tighter as the moved into a grubby darkened hallway taking the short walk to another black door. Sara's eyes scanned every detail of the space, looking for something distinctive or useful she could memorize but there was nothing, nothing but grime and dirt and blackness. He threw her into the room as though he was tossing a garbage bag, she landed heavily on her knee's her hands slapping against the stone floors and echoing off the walls. Jamie was laid out on the bed, bound and gagged as she looked at them with nothing but terror in her eyes.

"You remember Jamie" He murmured as he backed her into the corner "Jamie's time is up."

Ivan ran the silky nylon stocking through his fingers, his hands gripping the ends firmly as he moved over and straddled the woman on the bed.

"You know a lot about my work...don't you? You know that usually I would have taken her to a motel...but you Sara...you need to see this..." He commented as he wrapped the fabric around her neck.

"Please...Please don't do this..." Sara muttered but he ignored her, pulling the material firmly around her neck as he watched the life fading out of her eyes.

Sara couldn't help it she felt sick- bile rising in her throat as she looked away, closing her eyes to what was happening. She took a deep breath counting back from ten as she attempted to lose herself in a world somewhere completely different, but as the sound of Jamie's desperate attempts to stop him came to a sudden halt she could feel her whole body giving up.

"And it's just you and me now Sara..." He said with a ragged breath moving towards her once again abandoning the body as if it were nothing. He grabbed her by the ankle dragging her across the dusty floor towards him as Sara attempted to stop herself; but the hand cuffs wrapped around her wrists stopping her from doing so.

"I think we should get to know each other some more..." He pulled her to her feet, dragging her to the chair in the centre of the room carefully tying her to it. Ivan retrieved a cigarette from his pocket, offering it to her with a small grin. "Do you smoke? It's a nasty habit" He lit up the cigarette pacing around her for a few moments as he considered his options.

"Does your husband smoke?" Ivan asked leaning against the small writing desk behind him, smoke swirling around him.

"No" Sara shook her head, giving in, indulging his questions.

"He's very controlling isn't he...he doesn't like it when you smoke... when you drink...he tells you that you have to stay here..."He sighed. "He's always telling you what to do...isn't he?"

"It's not like that..." Sara protested.

"Does _Greg _smoke?" He seemed to almost spit the name at her. She didn't say a word, simply nodding in response. "I wonder what else he does that your husband doesn't. Are you going to tell me or should I guess?"

Ivan move towards her taking small steps, casually taking drags from his cigarette as he took a few moments to let Sara answer but no words came from her. "He doesn't tell you what to do... Does he? He doesn't try to control you the way your husband does...Does he?"

"No" She quickly shook her head as the butt of his cigarette lingered over the bare skin of her arm.

"He doesn't stop you drinking... I bet he has no problem with drinking until he can't see properly. Were you drunk when you slept together Sara?" He snatched it away taking a drag.

"...No" Again she gave another short answer.

"He's different in bed too isn't he?" Ivan hypothesised. "Let's see... I bet I can guess how, without even meeting your husband... I bet he is... traditional. Predictable...Greg is uninhibited am I right? It surprised you the first time didn't it...you realised what you'd been missing out on...What you could have had all along if only you'd chosen him... Am I right?"

"Stop it" Sara snapped; she couldn't face these questions, all of the things that had been bothering her about what had happened but it only seemed to rile him further.

"Does _Greg_ go down on you?" He was standing in front of her, looking down at her drunk on the power he had obtained. Sara looked away out of embarrassment, as he brushed hair away from her face tucking it behind her ear so he could see her.

"Yes" She whispered as his hand closed around her throat.

"Do you like it? Does it feel good?" He muttered in her ear making her skin crawl. Sara just nodded, tears stinging her eyes.

"Did you suck him off? Did you get down on your knees for him?" He growled, his grip on her neck tightening even more.

"Please" Sara whimpered, her breath catching in her throat as she struggled for air.

"You did...Didn't you?" He pressed the cigarette butt against her arm this time not holding back as a scream escaped her mouth, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"He's younger too...he has more stamina...can keep going for longer..." It was as if he was commenting rather than asking. "Is he rough with you? Do you like it rough?" Sara didn't say a word, letting a small cry out instead as she tried to ignore him.

"Do you dress up for him? I know you do Sara...I've been in your house...I've seen all of the things you keep at the back of your wardrobe...where your husband won't find them." He laughed. "He doesn't like it, does he?"

"No" Sara gasped as he took hold of her jaw forcing her to look at him as he spoke.

"He thinks it makes you look cheap...if only he knew eh? You don't need any help in that department..." He finally let go of her taking a step back, finishing his cigarette tossing the butt aside.

"You've probably already guessed by now but my wife cheated on me too. She ran away with her best friend too...they didn't get far though" Ivan informed her, a menacing look in his eyes as he removed her wedding ring.

"'Yours Gil'" He read the inscription out loud before moving across the room returning with a small box. "Take a look at my collection..." Ivan opened the box displaying a glimmering collection of wedding bands and engagement rings.

"Yours will fix nicely in here" He placed Sara's wedding ring inside, closing the box. "I have some business to attend to... I hope you don't mind being by yourself for a while..."

With one last smirk he disappeared out of the door leaving Sara alone with Jamie's body. In that moment all of the hope she'd had seemed to evaporate. The heat of the boiler in the room seemed to infecting her, and poison seemed to be seeping out of her skin.

There was nothing to give away where they were- no windows, no signs...and as she looked around she couldn't help but feel the weight of despair wash over her exhausted body.


	10. Chapter 10

Enjoy! Please review- let me know what you think!

**Dead Nature**

**(Nine) **

"You son of a bitch" Nick's voice travelled down the hall way as he made his way towards Greg. Morgan and Brass followed closely behind struggling to hide the frowns that creased their brows as they studied the situation unfolding. Greg turned to face them with a slightly surprised expression, attempting to gather what was happening, as Nick pushed him against a wall, his hands remaining firmly on his collar.

"Where is she?" He demanded.

"I don't know" Greg replied. "I honestly don't"

"Hey...hey...what's going on here?" Russell appeared from his office attempting to assess what had unfolded.

"Tell him...go ahead...tell him what you did to Sara" Nick growled.

"I don't know what you're talking about" The younger man said honestly, holding his hands up.

A group had gathered, lab techs stopping their work to see what the commotion was about. Over Nick's shoulder Greg could see Hodges and Henry watching in awe as they tried to understand what he was being accused of.

"Go ahead tell them about how raped Sara" He pushed Greg further up the wall.

"I...I didn't...She..." Greg stammered as he tried to keep up the conversation.

"Nick- let go of him." Russell instructed firmly waiting until Nick had let go of his shirt and took a step back his hands curled up into fists at his side, the anger not disappearing from his expression. "Let's go into my office and discuss this like adults"

It took a few moments before everyone gathered together in his office, Greg standing separately from the group watching nervously as he waited for it become clear what was going on.

"So what have you found?" Russell asked leaning against his desk trying to understand what had gotten Nick so angry that he had turned to violence.

"We went to see Sara's shrink...He said that she's in therapy because she was sexually assaulted by a friend. He went as far as to name Greg. The DNA came back on the semen...it belongs to Greg..." Brass explained calmly.

"So what happened, Greg...you did it once and thought you could get away with it because she hadn't said anything so you did it again?" Nick accused.

"I didn't...I wouldn't do anything to hurt Sara..." He took a deep breath. "We had sex..."

"You really expect us to believe Sara would cheat on Grissom?" Brass raised his eyebrows.

"We didn't mean for it to happen... but it's the truth. I wouldn't... I couldn't hurt Sara." Greg pleaded with them all to understand.

"I ought to throw you in the cells for this" The detective growled at him.

"But we're not going to do that" Russell stated flatly.

"So what we're going to let him get away with it too?" Nick frowned clearly frustrated with what was happening.

"Look I know this is personal and you all have a lot of respect for Mr Grissom... but we're not going to lynch this guy based on that. None of this is helping Sara..." He clarified.

"You're right...we need to find Sara...before she does anything rash" Morgan chipped in.

"She hasn't run away... she wouldn't. She'd talk to me first." But still Greg refused to accept their argument that Sara would hurt herself.

"What makes you think that?" Nick threw the question across the room at him.

"It doesn't matter. If we are to assume Greg is telling the truth then it's fair to say he knows her best... so, let work on the theory she has been taken. Who has she upset? Who has a motive?" Russell stated calmly.

"I can check her case files...see if anyone has been let out recently" Greg suggested to be very quickly shut down by Brass.

"You don't go near this case Greg. You're on a leash - count yourself lucky you're not charged."

"I'll do that." Nick said and without a word turned to leave the office.

"I can go through the things we collected from her house... maybe there are some prints" Morgan suggested, the nod of approval from Russell her cue to leave.

"Good. Someone needs to call her husband. Maybe he's heard something." The mention of Grissom created a tense atmosphere in the room.

"Leave that to me- I don't want Gil hearing this from anyone else."

"What about me? I can't just sit here." Greg protested once they were alone.

"Yes you can. You and Sara were personally involved Greg. I can't let you work this case" Russell stated.

Without a word Greg made his way out of the office, sitting down at the table in the break room his head in his hands as he tried to slow down for a moment and take control of everything that was going on.

Russell's phone rang filling his office as he attempted to figure out how exactly they were going to go about this investigation. He knew how hard it was to distance yourself from a case when it involved your own- people you knew and saw every day.

He could see how unhappy Sara had been, it was more than obvious she was lonely but he couldn't make himself understand how she and Greg had managed to cross such an obvious boundary. The two of them had always been close- from when he'd started working there he'd noticed the way they leant on each other and found their friendship endearing.

Greg clearly would have done anything to protect Sara if he could but he also knew that there was a dark side to love. He'd seen the way the younger man had looked at Sara- and the way she'd made her oblivious to his advances. There was a point where any would have been fed up, exhausted of constantly being disregarded.

"Hey" Archie appeared at the door with an uneasy look. "I called but you weren't answering your phone"

"Sorry Archie, just a bit preoccupied" He cleared his throat pulling himself back to reality. "What can I do for you?"

"You need to see this..." He stated plainly indicating to be followed.

The AV lab was dimly lit; the shutters on the glass closed all the attention focused on images on the screen ahead of then. Archie sat himself down and waited for Russell to do the same, his fingers hovering over his keyboard and mouse waiting to get the show started.

"What am I looking at Arch?" He asked trying to determine who the people on the screen were, the quality not doing much to help.

"Its CCTV footage from outside the lab- one of the people in reception heard Sara arguing with someone as she was walking out. I checked the cameras in parking lot, and the surrounding areas of the building to see if we could have a sneak peak at the fight..." He tapped away at his keys, the screen becoming smaller, and more focused. "And this is what I found" he took a wary deep breath hitting play and leaning back as the scene unfolded.

"It's Greg" Russell pointed out the obvious watching as the younger man on the screen indulging in an argument.

It was the sight of Greg roughly pulling Sara towards him, his hand clasped in a vice like grip around her arm that shocked him. He'd pulled her flush against him his other hand curled into a fist as he said things that were evidently making her uncomfortable; her attempts to fighting against his grip doing nothing to help the situation.

"What's going on here? Can we get sound?" The older man asked wanting something that could explain what was happening on screen.

"No...Sorry...I don't know what's going on..." Archie narrowed his eyes at the screen as he attempted to understand. "Whatever they were talking about got pretty heated"

"How heated I wonder" Russell got to his feet realising that he needed to talk to Greg- as much as he didn't want to hear it- he needed the whole story.

"Boss...I got something" Henry peered out of his lab a print out in his hand.

"What?" He prepared himself for more bad news.

"I analysed the blood from the broken mirror in the bathroom... It belonged to Greg..." he handed Russell the print out. "I don't know if I've messed up...or if somehow our samples have been tainted but I checked the results three times and that's what I got."

"You're not doing anything wrong" Russell shook his head.

"Greg wouldn't do anything to hurt Sara..." Henry began. "I didn't know him that well until recently...and he's a nice guy... he's helped me out more than a few times...I just don't see him...attacking anyone..."

"Well it's the things that we don't see that get us" The older man stated, his words resounding and their meaning less than hidden. "It's the reason we have this job..."

"I guess you're right" Henry hovered by the door waiting to be told what to do.

"Don't you have work to be getting on with?" Russell raised his eyebrows looking up from the print out he'd been handed.

"Yes...I do...I'll get back to it..." Henry turned around walking back to his desk watching as Russell walked away storming towards the break room.

He slammed the door shutting closing the rest of the lab from form the two of them- Greg looked up at him waiting for him to say something.

"There's something you're not telling me" He stated plainly waiting for Greg to reply but all he found in response was a question.

"What are you talking about?"

"You're DNA, you're blood on the broken mirror, you were arguing with Sara, you were the last person to see her, you were the one who realised she was missing..." He talked through the evidence in the hope that it'd shock Greg into saying something, to reveal anything about what was happening.

"I know...I know what this looks like...but you have to believe me..." Greg pleaded shaking his head and pressing his eyes closed, a dull ache making itself known at the back of his skull.

"Why?" Russell asked standing by the table. "Why should I believe you?"

"Because...I'm in love with her" He stated as if there was no more evidence needed.

"We both know damn well that there's a dark side to love Greg..." He paused taking a deep breath, removing his glasses and then replacing them once again before turning to look at him. "That point where you become obsessed...where you don't see anything else..."

"What are you trying to say?" Greg narrowed his eyes.

"Are you sure Sara felt the same way about you? Are you sure that was what she wanted?" The questions said more than the words meant and as he studied the man before him he realised just how much so.

"No...No I can't honestly look you in the eye and tell you she loves me too. I can't swear that we're meant to be together, that she's willing to leave her husband for me. But I'm not going to lie and say I don't want those things..." Greg took a deep breath suddenly finding himself feeling light headed. "We...We made a mistake...We had sex...And everything got messed up"

"How?" That one word bringing down this whole facade- this attempt at strength Greg had tried to put forward.

"All of these years...I've just wanted Sara to be happy, but she's not. He makes her miserable, he's never here, and he doesn't care about her...If he did he'd be trying to be here with her...So I told her... I told her I loved her more than he ever would"

"And she didn't think that" Russell said plainly. "So you snapped...you realised that you'd been wasting your time... and that after all of these years she still would pick him over you"

"No...That's not what happened" He protested.

"How angry did you get Greg? How much did you want to make her hurt the way she's been hurting you all of these years?" The look in his cool blue eyes stilled the air in the room.

"Stop it" Greg growled, "Stop talking to me like I did this...I didn't. She got out of bed and told me I had to go- that she had somewhere to be and that was the last time I saw her"


	11. Chapter 11

**Another most certainly rated 'M' chapter. **

Please review- let me know what you think! 

**Dead Nature**

**(Ten)**

The door opened into the almost pitch black room, forcing Sara to look up through the darkness at Ivan as he made his way inside. He flicked the light switch on studying the fear in her eyes with glee, placing his things down.

"I think we could use a change of scenery..." Ivan announced casting his eyes around the room in distaste. "How would you feel about that?"

"Fine" Sara shrugged willing herself not to cry.

"Well that's good" He smiled at her making the short move to where Sara was sitting. "I'd hate to think I was inconveniencing you"

He untied her wrists from the arms rests on the chair, carefully cuffing her as he did so to make sure she wouldn't fight back before he untied her feet. He roughly pulled her up wrapping his arms around her waist, his face inches away from hers. Without a word, he brushed her hair away from her face, stroking her cheek.

"Please...Don't" Sara found herself whimpering even when she wanted to act defiant, flinching away from his touch.

"Is that what you said to your father?" Ivan questioned dragging her towards the door. "Did you beg him to stop?" He hissed in her ear as her feet tripped up the narrow stairwell he was taking her up.

"He never did though" He said breathlessly as they got onto the landing. Sara remained silent looking away from him, her skin burning at his vice like grip on her.

"Oh, I forgot you don't like talking about what daddy did to you" Ivan gave a laugh that made her shiver, throwing open the front door dragging her out into the yard.

Sara could feel her head spin as she looked around, nothing but desert stretching out for miles towards the horizon. As Ivan pulled her around the side of the house she could see the wrecked farm land that sounded the property. It became more than clear that they were in the middle of nowhere.

A shed loomed in the skyline, a tall building created out of corrugated metal, their change of scenery she presumed. Ivan opened the narrow door pushing her inside before putting the lock firmly in place.

Sara found herself in a heap on the floor, glancing around at the tools that decorated the walls. The workshop was dark and dirty, the smell of oil fuel prominent in the air. She studied the engine parts she assumed were from an old tractor that littered the space. There was nothing but a bare light bulb in the centre that lit the room, the dusty, dirty floors. Chains were slung over beams, cuffs attached to the ends, blood smears and spatter covering the walls.

"This is where I bring my favourites" He said in a sickening voice. Ivan pulled Sara to her feet moving her over towards the bed in the corner of the room pushing her down on to it. She weakly tried to fight him off as he tied her cuffed her ankles to posts before doing the same to her wrists.

She closed her eyes trying to think herself out of the situation but as she felt a cold blade being pressed against her neck she found herself opening them up to see him hovering over her.

"I'm sorry I'm about the shirt" He said before running the knife along the buttons, breaking each one as he went a strip of skin becoming exposed. The blade smoothed along her arm reaching the sleeve as it twisted in his hand shredding it in half, the knife catching her skin, small cuts appearing as he pushed the fabric away doing the same to the other side. Sara winced as he pulled the torn up material away throwing it aside displaying the black lace of her bra.

"Did you put this on for him?" Ivan asked as his fingers brushed against her skin outlining the shape. Sara didn't say a word as he placed the knife between her breasts pushing it under the fabric of her bra.

"Does he like this kind of stuff?" He continued asking questions giving a sharp tug the bra breaking in half. He cut the straps pushing it away exposing her breasts, the action making Sara flinch. She looked away from his expression.

He moved down the bed unclasping her slacks, slowly pulling the zipper down sliding them down her legs. His impatience got the better of him as he gripped hold of Sara's ankle, un-cuffing one leg and then the other removing her trousers.

"One to go" Ivan stated resting the blade against the inside of her thigh watching the way Sara's hands clenched into fists. He carefully cut through the lace of her panties tossing them into the pile of clothes leaving her completely exposed.

"I can see why Greg was interested" He stated bluntly his eyes washing across her body. Sara closed her eyes a part of her knowing what was coming, her hands in even tighter fists. He rested his hand on her stomach slowly running it further down, the feeling of his rough fingertips making her skin crawl.

"I've been waiting for this...from the moment you walked into my office..." He muttered into her ear as he undid his belt and then his trousers.

"Don't do this" Sara pleaded as he rolled on top of her, his weight smothering her. She could feel his arousal pressing against her thigh as his hands explored her body. "Please..."

Without any warning he forced himself into her, the pain hitting her all of sudden as she closed her eyes trying to shut her mind off to every one of his thrusts. Tears escaped past her eyelashes as she bit her lip trying to silence the whimper.

"It'll be fine..." He whispered to her. "...It'll be over soon..." The sight of the grin crossing his lips making her feel sick.

"Oh Sara" He groaned in her ear, moving fast over her, the motion making her feel sick, her mouth suddenly dry. He came to a sudden halt, pulling out of her, the sticky substance coating her stomach, slithering down her thighs.

She realised in that moment she had never felt so worthless, so broken before. He breathlessly pulled himself up quickly doing up his belt. Sara kept her eyes on the ceiling tears following a familiar path down her cheek. It was as if she had completely shut her mind off as she remained perfectly still not moving from the position he had discarded her in.

Ivan gathered up her clothes, casting his eyes over her once again with a smirk before making his way to the door.

The clouds above the roof rumbled, rain fall hitting the metal with a loud thrash, water trickling onto her body as she lay there completely defeated.


	12. Chapter 12

**Dead Nature**

**(Eleven) **

With a frustrated groan Russell flung the door open abandoning Greg at the table leaving him to think through exactly how all of this looked. Everything seemed to be happening so fast- it felt as if things were getting back on track after so long but that seemed to all just fall apart. Out the corner of his eye he could see someone hovering by the door.

"I can go if you want" Henry's voice dragged him back to reality.

"No...Its fine" Greg replied flippantly.

"I'm sorry"

"For what?" Greg raised his eyebrows.

"The DNA results...I thought I'd made a mistake...but I tested it three times..." Henry explained, his hands animating his nerves.

"It's my DNA..." Greg shrugged. "You were going to get those results anyway"

"So...What happened? Sorry I don't want to over step the mark, but I heard Nick earlier...And Russell..." He began rambling but Greg remained silent thinking about how to reply.

"What do you think happened?" He asked.

"I really don't know..." Henry replied staying awkwardly by the door.

"We had sex...consensual sex" Greg stated plainly.

"Oh..."

"Go ahead..." He offered the floor to Henry, the chance to say whatever it was that was on his mind.

"I don't mean...it's just...Sara's married and...Grissom" He stumbled over words realising that he didn't make any sense and eventually stopped talking all together.

"Henry...Don't you think you should be getting back to work instead of staying here with _him_" Hodge's voice filled the room.

"I'm on my break, I've been working flat out" Henry exclaimed.

"I don't think the break is the problem Henry- he doesn't like you talking to me" Greg pointed out in a low voice.

"You got that right" Hodges muttered loud enough for them both to hear.

"Why don't you just say whatever it is you want to say and leave me alone?"Greg frowned at the older man.

"Fine I will...You're an appalling human being."

"Is that so?" He raised eye brows at him questioningly.

"You saw Sara was vulnerable and you used that to get what you want" Hodges placed his hands in his pockets, and shrugged his shoulders, talking as if it were more than obvious.

"And what is it I want exactly?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Hodges gave a small humourless laugh.

"I love Sara. I want her to be happy I would never force her into doing anything she didn't want to do." Greg said sternly.

"Why would she have sex with someone other than her husband?"

"Because he doesn't care about her...because she's lonely... because after all of these years she needed to do something for herself..." Greg realised he was more than slightly frustrated about the pedestal everyone had placed Grissom upon. Why did no one else see the way he hurt Sara?

"And that's why she needed to see a shrink afterwards? Just admit what you did."

"Fine..." Greg gave a shrug. "I'll admit it. I had sex with Sara."

"Greg...this was left at the front desk for you" Judy appeared at the door, nervously clutching a small envelope in her hands. Greg gave a nod indicating for her to bring it to him, the frown not leaving his expression as she did so.

"Thank you" He murmured studying the small brown envelope. There was nothing to indicate who it had come from, no stamp suggesting that it had been delivered in person. His name and the lab's address had been carefully written on the front and he could feel a small object inside.

Greg glanced up quickly at Hodges and Henry who had not moved from their places before he opened it, tipping the content into his palm. The gold of the chain glinted in the bright lights of the lab, the pendent tangled beneath it. Greg lifted it up, reading the engraving on the back 'From Greg'.

He could feel his breath catching in his chest as he carefully studied the necklace, he opened the locket to see the picture of himself and Sara he had place inside for her birthday. He clicked it shut, the swirls that decorated the oval case pressed against his thumb.

The look of horror was almost impossible to mask as Greg looked up at Hodges and Henry, attempting to find the words to explain what was happening. The air trapped in his lungs as he realised he could barely breath.

"Someone has her..." He eventually said.

"What are you talking about?" Hodges questioned with raised eyebrows, crossing his arms across his chest.

"This is Sara's necklace..." Greg spoke keeping his voice even as he forced himself to remain calm. "Someone...took this from her..."

Mandy glanced at the people waiting by the door, taking a deep breath as she tried to work as quickly as she could realising the importance of the evidence. The computer beside her confirmed a match and the expression on her face telling of the results without words.

"The only prints on the envelope came back to Greg and Judy...The others are smudges. And the pendent was wiped down...there is nothing on the necklace..." She explained.

"How about the note?" Greg asked nervously biting his nails before crossing his arms across his chest.

"There is nothing on there...maybe Hodges got something..." Mandy suggested cautiously.

"I tested the substance...that was used to draw the circle on the paper..." Hodges announced appearing behind Greg waving the result printouts at them. "Wax, oil, pigments, alcohol and antioxidants...Standard lipstick ingredients"

"The Nylon Killer" Greg said, closing his eyes leaning against the door frame, his whole body giving up as it sunk in what had happened to Sara- where she was.

He found his phone, calling Russell realising that he couldn't pause, as much as he wanted to break down, he couldn't not now- he needed to keep things together- for Sara's shake.

"You all need to get back here now" He said shortly hanging up the phone.

The team appeared in the layout room as Greg stood at the front of the table with a grave expression, all of the things he could find on the Nylon Killer case pinned up around the room. All the horrific details about the way he killed his victims painted across the walls.

"What was so important that you needed to get us all here?" Russell asked as he found a spot to stand in.

"I know who has Sara" Greg announced indicating to the note and the necklace at the centre of the table. "That was sent to me"

"The Nylon Killer" Nick said, studying the circle of red lipstick on the small card.

"Why would he take Sara?" Morgan asked, glancing around at the other notes that had been pinned up.

"She was the lead CSI on the case..." Greg pointed out.

"Okay...why send it to you?" Brass asked with raised eyebrows.

"I was backing her up" He took a deep breath. "We were at all the scenes...we were in the press's eyes...He could have recognised Sara...We have to find him..." Greg stated. "He keeps his victims for 72 hours...In that time he beats rapes and mutilates them..."

"We do...Nick, Morgan and I will start working on the old case files...there must be something we haven't found yet..." Russell instructed.

"What you're going to leave me out again?" Greg asked exasperated.

"You need to give your full statement Greg...you were one of the last people to see Sara" Brass told him turning to the door.

Greg followed him to an interrogation room, his head pounding with the anger and frustration bubbling up in his blood stream.

"So Greg...I want you to run through what happened last night." Brass stated sitting down opposite him.

"I already told Russell..."

"You need to tell me. Not giving a statement isn't doing anything for you." the warning tone of his voice not going unnoticed by Greg.

"Fine- She was... having issues with me, since last time. So I went round with some chocolates... a peace offering." He said.

"Last time" Brass raised his eyebrows repeating him.

"Well... last night wasn't the first time we slept together... it happened before." It felt so wrong telling Brass- all of these things were between him and Sara.

"I see...and what were the issues?"

"She felt guilty. It tore her up... I told her we could forget about it, pretend it never happened. I just wanted to be her friend again." Greg kept his eyes focused on his hands.

"And how did she suddenly change from feeling guilty to jumping into bed with you again?" the harshness of his tone giving away more than he had intended to.

"It... it just happened. One minute we were talking and the next..."

"Then what?"

"I said something... something stupid and then she asked me to leave" Greg found himself looking away with embarrassment as he recalled the events of the night before.

"Something stupid?"

"I told her I loved her. I wanted too much..." He was almost muttering.

"Okay... what happened the first time? Why did it screw her up so much?" Brass continued asking questions ignoring the way Greg had clearly put his heart on the line for nothing in return.

"I don't know, she wouldn't talk to me after it." Greg shrugged.

"How come you were the one that noticed she was missing?"

"We were supposed to meet for breakfast this morning." He explained, carefully meeting Brass's eye.

"Another date?" He questioned sternly.

"We share breakfast all the time." He said with a blank expression.

"Look Greg- Stop messing me around. You're screwing Grissom's wife, you're not some good guy in this story." He accused.

"What do you want me to say? Yes, I slept with her. Yes, I enjoyed it. No, I don't want to take it back! I'd do it again if that's what she wanted." Greg snapped.

"You slept with my wife?" Grissom appeared at the door with a drawn expression.

"Grissom..." Greg paused registering what was happening. "Yes"

"How could you do it Greg? How could you put her in that position? I trusted you, out of everyone I trusted you to look after her." He narrowed his eyes making his way into the room.

"I...I didn't want to...She was so lonely...and we crossed a line" Greg looked away.

"Yeah you crossed a line! Loneliness doesn't justify this... she could have called me. I'd have come home. Didn't that ever occur to you?" Grissom raised his eyebrows.

"I love her...I wanted to be there for her" He shrugged as if it was simple.

"I don't want to hear this Greg. You don't love her- you wouldn't have put her in that situation if you did." The older man discarded everything he was saying.

"What do you want me to tell you...That we had pointless...meaningless sex? Would that make you feel better?" the anger boiling up in Greg's system again.

"No. No it won't but this has nothing to do with love. Don't you try and turn it into something it's not."

"I'm not doing anything. I'm telling you what happened" Greg knew the words he was saying would hurt. "You can convince yourself that you've done everything to make Sara happy, that by being married to her you're going to make everything better but it's not true. Do you want me to count the number of nights- I had to stay with her while she cried? The times she drank herself numb?"

"Well she never told me. How can I fix something when I don't know it's broken? She should have told me not... jump into bed with someone else."

"It wasn't like that...It wasn't cheap...or sleazy..." Greg tried to argue with him.

"You slept with her... She's a married woman. Of course it was sleazy." Grissom spat at him.

"No. It was incredible..."

"That's enough Greg! Stop it." Grissom pressed his eyes closed.

"Fine. I'm done." And with that he walked out not bothering to look back at the two men standing awkwardly.

"You know I need to talk to you too Gil" Brass stated nervously.

Grissom sighed, he was well aware that under normal circumstances he would be considered a suspect.

"Ask away" He said, taking the chair Greg had vacated only a few seconds ago.

Brass looked over his old friend and drew breath quickly as he sunk into the chair opposite him. He had been in this room with Grissom many times, he had never questioned him.

"When was the last time you spoke to Sara?" He began, holding his pen above his notebook.

"2 days ago, we spoke on the phone"

Brass nodded, taking notes as he did so.

"Did she seem...upset or worried in any way?"

Grissom seemed to ponder this for a few long moments before raising his eyes to Brass' and carefully raising one shoulder.

"She sounded...tired" He explained, realising that maybe he should have noticed how distanced Sara had become lately. "She had to rush out"

He sighed recalling how they had failed to sign off with their usual declarations of love.

"Ok, you haven't seen or spoken to her since then?" He asked, ignoring the sorrow evident in Grissom's eyes.

"No. I haven't seen her since the last time I was in town" he sighed.

"And when was that?" Brass pressed.

"3 weeks ago. I was home for 3 days"

"And where were you last night?" Brass continued, involuntarily slipping into detective mode.

"I was working... in Phoenix" Grissom explained, frowning at his need to provide an alibi at all.

"Can anyone clarify that?"

"Anyone I work with. We were all working late"

Brass nodded, taking more notes in his book until Grissom's eyes burned into him across the table.

"Did you know about this Jim? Did you know about them?" He muttered, his eyes begging for honesty.

"If I did... you'd have been my first call" He answered nodding his head slightly expressing an understanding only another spurned spouse could claim.


	13. Chapter 13

**Another very dark chapter...Please be warned. **

**Dead Nature**

**(Twelve)**

The door creaked open the sound freezing her body, her breath catching in her chest. Ivan approached the bed with steady footsteps, water spilling onto the floor from the buckets in his hands. He placed them down on the floor undoing the cuffs on Sara's wrists and ankles but she didn't move. He threw a bar of soap at her, hitting her side, landing on the bed with a thump forcing Sara to move. She heavily swung her legs off the bed placing them firmly on the floor, wincing at the pain between her thighs, her hands clutching hold of the edge of the mattress.

Ivan sat down at the table opposite eagerly watching her, without any words Sara made her way towards the buckets of cold water. She lathered up the soap in her hands slowly leaning over covering her legs with it before splashing water over them to wash away the soap suds. She tried to ignore the way he was watching her, as she smothered the slick bar over her stomach.

"Keep going" he said with a smirk.

Sara kept going covering her skin in the soap, running it through her hair before tipping the remaining water over herself shivering as it cascaded over her skin washing away the soap, blood and other bodily fluids. Ivan handed her a towel not moving away as Sara dried as much as she could of the water- ringing it out of her hair- watching as it made puddles around her.

"You remind me of my wife" He stated taking the towel back studying her as Sara stood nervously before him wrapping her arms around herself. As much as she wanted to lash out, to hit him she realised that there was no point- once she got out of here where would she go? There was nothing but sand for miles around, and when he eventually caught up with her she could only imagine the world of hurt he would create.

"Kill me" She muttered finally looking in him the eye. "Please...just kill me"

"I will...eventually" He nodded. "Turn around" Ivan instructed sternly. Sara watched him for a few moments in the end he turned her around himself, her hands landing heavily on the bed as she attempted to stop herself from falling. He roughly pushed into her, his nails digging into her skin.

"You see Sara...I want you to understand a few things before I do that" He growled slamming into her again the pain coursing through her body as she gritted her teeth not giving him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out.

"I want you to know" He continued his actions, the force of his thrusts steadily increasing simply just to get a rise out of her. "Just how pathetic you really are" His words leaving their mark in the air as he roughly pulled her hair back.

"How your husband is better off without you" He hissed the words into her ear. "How it doesn't matter what you do, how many times you say sorry, because you're still going to be the same whore"

A low groan escaped his lips as he pulsated for one last time inside her, but this time Sara couldn't stop the bile rising up her throat. The acids churned burning against her throat as she emptied the small amount of stomach content on the floor, falling in a heap, her body shivering as she pulled her knees to her chest.

"Get dressed" he threw a lace teddy at her, watching as it landed in the dirt, her shaking hands reaching for it. "You're soon going to get what you wanted Sara"

Sara slipped on the thin material, realising that it was doing nothing to cover her body, the mesh barely enough to hide the bruises across her torso. But as smoothed it down, the small amount of cover it provided was enough.

He paced, lighting a cigarette, the smoke swirling around in the air as Sara set herself on the edge of the bed trying to stop herself from shaking. Her whole body wishing her out of that room but from the way he was looking at her Sara realised that he wasn't going to end this quickly.

"Why...Why are you doing this?" The question hung in the air like the cigarette smoke. And for some reason it felt redundant, as if it didn't matter what reasons he gave they would never be enough to explain this.

"Oh Sara...I've told you enough times, haven't I?" He laughed as if it were a joke, as if all the women he had killed didn't mean anything. In his eyes they were all disposable- objects to be discarded. "I'm just giving you a taste of your own medicine"

"I love him...I'm in love with him..." She muttered her eyes focused on the bruises on her wrists, the purple bracelets that had formed marking up her skin as a reminder that she was still a prisoner. She was still a part of his twisted game. "That's why I slept with him...I wanted to convince myself that it was just sex...that I could move on...but I can't..."

"What are you talking about?" The things she was saying clearly angering him. He hadn't anticipated her talking, telling him, about what had happened.

"That night...I told him to make love to me...he said that he didn't want to do it if it didn't mean anything...and I just kissed him...I should have told him that I loved him...I should have said" Sara realised perhaps that she might never get this chance again- that these words might remain stuck in her head never to be spoken. But she knew she couldn't die like that- she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

"You're lying" Ivan took a step towards her but she refused to let it deter her.

"I'm not" She looked at him with all the helpless, all the hate, and all the anger. "I wish I could go back...I wish it was twelve years ago again...I wish I'd given him a chance..."

He lashed out, his fist colliding with the side of her cheek but as Sara fell against the bed, tears stinging her eyes she didn't stop the words in her mind connecting with her mouth refusing to stop pouring into her consciousness.

"I realised the other night that I've never felt this way about my husband...he's never made me want to love him... I just...I just did and I never questioned it...I thought it was real and that was all that counted" She took a deep breath, wincing as he clambered on top of her, tying her wrists up once again. "But it doesn't... it's not enough..."

He took a drag from his cigarette, pressing the burning end to sensitive skin beneath her wrist. She closed her eyes, her hands curling up into a fist, the tears leaving their mark on her skin, glistening in the poor light.

"I'm done" She opened her eyes, studying the way ashes scattered about the mattress, the gaps in the ceiling, the sky clear blue stretching out above them. Sara studied the dirt across his cheek, the hate in his eyes, and the intent clear in his actions.

"I'm done"


	14. Chapter 14

Enjoy- please review!

**Dead Nature **

**(Thirteen) **

"What do you have?" Greg demanded to know as he walked through the door into Hodges's lab, studying the way in which he was standing beside the printer waiting for results. Eventually a sheet of paper was spat out, warm to the touch as he picked it up, indicate for Greg to wait a moment until he'd read the results and attempted to figure out what the peaks on the graph meant for their investigation.

"I found a tiny spec of trace in the hinge on the locket the Nylon Killer sent us" Hodges said slowly to make sure Greg understood. "It looked like soil, dirt, rather so I analysed it thinking that perhaps it would help us narrow down our search field."

"And" Greg crossed his arms waiting for more information noting that whatever he had said despite all of the sense it made, did little to help. They didn't have time on their side, the images from the case file flashing before his eyes. A knot tightened in his stomach as he wondered what he had done to Sara- all of his body willing her to still be alive.

"It's Saline Soil" He announced handing Greg the print out. "It's found most often in dry regions-"

"Well we live in Vegas" Greg stated in a low voice as if the last fact Hodges had given him was pointless common knowledge he did not need.

"It's a build up of soluble salts in the rhizosphere but I noticed something" Hodges pointed to the paper- indicating a low point on the graph. "But there's a weak sodium content...the land's been accumulated and irrigated"

"So..." Greg raised his eyebrows.

"It means the land's been leached...would suggest farm land or some type of garden...The only reason to leach salty soil like that would be to grow extensive number of things like crops..." Hodges informed him hoping that his results would help. As much as he had wanted to be angry at Greg he realised that after all of this time who was he to judge? He had fallen in love and let it a go- and as much as he knew it was wrong- he didn't hate Greg for what he had done.

"Okay...so we're looking for a farm, most likely abandoned since it's now a torture chamber. Thanks" Greg indicated as he made his way out into the hallway noticing Morgan and Nick in the layout room.

He stood by the door frame with the results wondering if it would be safe to go in considering the things that had recently come out about him and also the fact that Grissom was now back in Vegas. It struck him that it didn't matter- the only thing that mattered now was getting Sara back. The fall out was something they could deal with at a later stage.

They just needed to find Sara.

"I have some results that might help out search field" He announced making his way inside. "Hodges analysed the trace from the locket, there are minute soil samples that suggest we're looking for farm land...most likely on the out skirts of the city...far enough away from major routes and residential areas for... well this..." he pointed to the notes and pictures up around the room. "...to go undetected"

"I see" Morgan began talking while Nick simply stood glaring at him the anger burning in his gaze. "That's...interesting...I think we have a possible location" She announced turning her attention back to the computer in front of her.

"Really?" Greg move towards her trying to read the screen over her shoulder.

"Yeah...Well I thought it was worth running background on Sara's shrink...he was willing to give up a lot of confidential information to get us out of his office...he just seemed a little too helpful..." She pointed to screen. "According to his work card he lives in an apartment in the city...I called the land lord...apparently he moved out three months ago...his mother died leaving her property just outside the city...the landlord said he thinks Ivan Becker went to live on his family farm...said something about needing more space before he went..."

"We need to go...We need to check it out" Greg said with rising panic moving back into the hallway once again to find someone, anyone who would be able to organise following this lead since no one seemed to be listening to him, or taking him seriously. Russell appeared at the door of his office and Greg realised that he wasn't going to let this opportunity to pass him by they needed to get to Sara where ever she was.

"We have a lead...we need to go now" Greg shouted as he approached him, handing him the address alongside the results he had collected from Hodges.

"Okay...Okay...calm down" Russell read the information that had been given to him as quickly as he could and nodded. "Let's go"

As they were driving through the desert Greg could feel his heart pound in his chest as his breathing becoming constricted after everything he just wanted Sara to be okay. He wanted to see her, to be able to pull her into his arms and make sure she never got hurt again.

The farm house loomed in the sky line, the dark building a stark contrast to the golden sands and clear skies surrounding it. From a distance it just looked like another abandoned property but the car in the drive way told another story. As they got closer- the flickering lights in the windows an illusion of residency.

Ivan gently brushed his hand across Sara's thigh, watching as she flinched away from him, her eyes focused on the knife in his other hand. This was it. She knew it- he was going to kill her- and perhaps her body would never be found.

Strangely the feeling didn't fill her with dread- it didn't make her want to fight. She was exhausted, and she realised she had never felt this broken before. After everything- she just wanted it to be over; the will to live escaping her body.

"You're going to get what you wanted Sara" He muttered in her ear- the words laced with spite and mock disappointment. "Our time is coming to a rather quick end. I think I'm going to have to move on, in a city like this my work is never done. There is always someone who needs my help...to see the truth. To understand what they really are"

His hand was between her legs as Sara closed her eyes trying to ignore the feeling of him touching her. She numbed her body to, her mind emptying as she took a deep breath staring at one of the corners of the ceiling above her. A spider moved about its web, before settling against the wall watching over them.

"It really has been fun" He laughed, smiling at the gasp that escaped her lips as he pushed his fingers into her, the pain clearly evident in her expression. "You're definitely my favourite Sara" Ivan roughly pulled out gripping the knife in his right hand. "But...I'm just tired of this you know. We're really not getting any where...you're still lying to me"

"This might hurt a bit" He whispered, kissing her thigh before roughly placing the knife in the place of his lips. The crimson blood appearing without fail, sliding across her pale skin onto the bed, he continued in a fluid motion. His calling card craved into her inner thigh, the pain almost unbearable as tears made their way down her cheek.

The sound of the sirens set him in motion as he realised he didn't have long- Ivan found the stocking he had set aside for this moment clambering on top of Sara without any hesitation. She looked up at him blankly, it was as if she had completely shut off, her body separate from her mind. The only thing to suggest she could feel any more were the tears glistening in her dark eyes.

"It's going to be over real soon" He said, wrapping it around her neck, tugging at the material firmly, gripping hold of the ends tightly.

The sound of the door swinging open didn't deter him, and for a few moments he barely registered that there was anyone else there but the two of them. It was the sound of Greg's voice that promoted him to react as he loosened his grip on the silky fabric.

"Get off her now" Greg growled standing at the door the gun pointed square at him, more than prepared to unload every bullet on the man in front of him.

"Oh look who it is sweetie..." Ivan cooed climbing off her knowing that if he didn't there would be a bullet in his head before he could finish the job. "You've been waiting from him haven't you? All of this time you wanted him to save you..." He kept talking to Sara as he stood still beside the bed while his eyes focused on the expression worn by the man before him.

Greg made his way closer without a word, pressing the butt of his gun to Ivan's head, the anger and venom in his eyes unmask able.

"You bastard" He snarled, "What have you done to her?"

"Nothing she didn't deserve" Ivan shrugged as if the torture he had inflicted on Sara was nothing. "Isn't that right Sara?"

Greg finally turned to look at her, seeing the emptiness in her eyes as she stared at the ceiling above them refusing to meet his gaze. Without a word he pressed the gun harder against his head, wanting nothing more than to see him die, to see the life drain out of his eyes. It was the least he deserved for what he had done.

"Greg step away" Russell's voice filled the workshop, his eyes taking in the scene before him.

"No" Greg replied, refusing to move from the spot he had found himself in.

"You don't want to do this Greg...it's not going to help anyone..." He said slowly, approaching the younger man.

"You're wrong" Greg shook his head. It was. It would help him. It would help Sara to know that the man that hurt her was gone- that he was never coming back. It would help the families of all the other victims.

"If you do this...he's going to win...he's going to have the upper hand" Russell thought about the number of times he'd had to stay these words but this was so different. He could see how broken Sara was- he could see all of the hurt she had experienced in the past few days and a part of him wanted to put a bullet in Ivan's head himself.

But he knew that would be wrong- because there were so many other victims- there were so many other people who had gotten hurt and they all deserved to be spoken for.

"How" The word seemed to be forced past Greg's lips as his mouth went dry. "How is it going to be better if he lives?"

"The courts will decide Greg" Brass appeared at the door, moving in to stand beside Russell watching the carnage unfold. "They'll give him what he deserves"

"And so he dies then..." Greg pointed out.

"Yes after all of his victims have been given justice" Russell state. "They found another body Greg...Inside...another woman..."

"Why not just kill him now- get it over with" He asked, as if it made more sense.

"Greg...Don't do this" Russell could fell all of the hope that this would end without gun fire evaporating as his gun became hot in his hands.

Greg was in love with Sara. And he knew if anyone did anything to his wife, to the woman he loved, he would respond the same way. He would want to hurt them. It was so hard to be rational and as Russell tried to put himself in the Greg's shoes he struggled to put the gun down.

With a defeated sigh Greg moved back, lowering his gun letting Brass cuff the man, paramedics rushing in once given the all clear, moving towards Sara. She didn't say a word as Greg made his way to her side.

"It's going to be okay" He whispered desperately to her. "I'm here now"


	15. Chapter 15

**Dead Nature**

**(Fourteen) **

The brightness of the overhead lights blinded her as Sara opened her eyes the clinical smell of the hospital nauseating her. In that moment the sound of the heart monitor seemed far too loud, deafening her to everything else. She shivered as the cool blankets attempted to keep her frame warm, the touch of someone's hand scalding her skin. With an exhausted breath her eyes washed over her arm finding the hand that was holding hers before studying the person whom it belonged to.

Her husband sat in the chair by the bed side, his clear blue eyes studying her with concern and anxiety. A brief smile crossed his lips as he realised she was awake, his body nearer to her as he leant in.

"I've been so worried about you" The words seemed to mean little and all of her attempts at replying failed as she realised just how dry her mouth was. "I've let Russell know that when you get better...you'll be leave with me..."

Sara took a deep breath as she ran her tongue over her lips attempting to make the words sound like sandpaper. Grissom poured her a glass of water, handing it to her, her hands shaking slightly as she took it from his grip. Before she could say that she did not want to leave Vegas the door swung open.

Greg stood in the door way, a bouquet of flowers cradled in his arms and a box of grapes in his hand. His hair shone gold in the bright light, his expression that of exhaustion and nervousness as he waited to be told what to do.

"I'll go..." He eventually said, meeting Grissom's eye carefully.

"Don't...Please...stay" Sara croaked her eyes focused on him, pleading with him not to leave her, not now.

Grissom sighed letting go of Sara's hand as he got to his feet, without saying another word he left the room walking past Greg with a hurt look. The younger man glanced away realising that he couldn't face the undoubted anger that would never be far from the surface.

Greg pressed the door closed once he had gone, placing the flowers on the small cabinet beside Sara with a smile as he twisted them to face her. He then opened the box of grapes placing them on the table, pushing them towards her.

"Grape?" He offered with a gentle smile.

"No thank you" Sara shook her head leaning back against the pillows studying Greg in silence.

"They're high in Vitamin C and K..." Greg pointed out. She gave a weak nod closing her eyes while trying to keep herself awake. "Hey...don't keep yourself awake because of me...you should rest"

"I guess you're right" She said with a small nod closing her eyes as Greg shifted the pillows beneath her and pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Sara guessed it was the pain-killers that were making her drowsy deciding not to fight against it she let sleep wash over her.

Greg leant back in the chair by the bed, casting his eyes over Sara wondering if they would ever be able to get back to normal. He recalled the last time she had encountered a serial killer in this way, he remembered how broken she had been. The look in her eyes when she had told him that she'd had enough with death. This time was worse. This time the scars would take longer to heal, the memories would take more time to fade and the consequences would be far grimmer.

Trying to push, all of, those thoughts aside Greg leant back in the chair, resting his legs against the bed closing his eyes. He was worn out and realised that if there was a time he needed to be strong it was now. He needed to look after Sara.

Sara's eyes opened her body jolting upright as she attempted to gather her bearings once again. She turned to see Greg asleep in the chair, his one leg on the floor, the other resting on the bed, his arms dangling over the edge. A part of her wanted to wake him up, but even in at the strange angle he had fallen asleep in he looked peaceful.

She reached for the jug of water on the dresser, her hand just missing it sending it flying the clattering sound waking Greg. Sara winced slightly as she watched the water spill onto the floor around his feet.

"Sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up..." She mumbled her eyes focused on the floor.

"It's okay...do you want me to get you some water...or coffee?" He offered rubbing his eyes, giving a small yawn.

"Coffee would be great thanks" Sara nodded with a small smile. Greg pressed a tender kiss to her forehead, and she did everything she could to stop herself from flinching at the physical contact, her hands gripping hold of the bed spread.

"I'll be right back" He told her softly before making his way out of the door.

Sara turned her attention to the flowers he'd brought her, the brightly coloured daises standing out against the lack of other colours in the room. She picked up the card that was nestled amongst the bouquet almost hidden from view by the large leaves.

'_Any time you need me x' _written neatly on the crisp white card, Sara couldn't help but smile slightly. She thought about the things she had said to Ivan, the confession she had made of her deepest darkest thoughts.

How could she take it back and pretend that she had never said those things?

With a sigh she placed the card aside picking at her nails and it sunk in that she had fallen in love with her best friend. She was in love with all of his bad habits, all of his crazy quirks and every one of his ridiculous, loud Hawaiian shirts. As it slowly began to sink in she found herself thinking about all the times he had made her laugh or held her hand, the way her fingers laced through his so naturally without any need of forethought. She could picture the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled and the way the sunlight danced in his hair.

She realised she couldn't pinpoint a time when it had happened, she couldn't tell when she had fallen for him. It didn't hit her all at once it was much more natural than that.

It was almost like it was always meant to be.

Greg appeared at the door, two steaming cups in his hand and a sheepish grin on his face as he closed it with his foot. He placed one cup down in front of Sara, watching as she closed her hands around the polystyrene warming them.

"How are you feeling?" He asked cautiously not wanting to push her into talking if she wasn't ready.

"I'm...tired" Sara replied honestly not wanting to think about any of the other things.

"That's understandable" He nodded taking a sip from his coffee.

"You're tired too" She stated studying his expression, the stubble that he would have shaven by now creeping up his cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes.

"I guess I am" He agreed with a shrug.

"Greg, please go home. Get some sleep... there's no need for us both to be here and uncomfortable." Sara instructed softly.

"I don't want to leave you" Greg shook his head, running his hand through his already dishevelled hair.

"Go. Sleep. I'll be ok." She assured him eventually forcing Greg to his feet.

"Fine...but I'm on the other side of the phone all you have to do is call...got it?" He said sternly.

Greg found himself parked outside of the lab even though he'd said he would go home and get some sleep. Morgan appeared at the door, her phone clutched in her hands as she snapped at whoever was on the other side. He approached her standing at the side, his hands in his pockets as he waited for her conversation to end.

"Greg..." Morgan raised her eyebrows surprised that he had decided to come here of all places considering all of the things that had been going on.

"...I need..." He took a deep breath looking away. "I need to see the reports...I need to know"

"I can't do that..." She shook her head, tucking a stray stand of blonde hair behind her ear.

"Please..." Greg's brown eyes shone pleadingly at her and without another Morgan indicated for him to follow her into one of the empty conference rooms placing the file in front of him.

"I'm going to get a cup of coffee...I expect this to still be here" She said firmly leaving him alone.

With a deep breath Greg opened it, taking in every word with as much detail as he dared to, his head beginning to spin. By the time Greg had closed the feel he felt sick- all of the things Ivan had done to Sara burning into his mind as waves of guilt washed over him. He realised that perhaps this had been his fault. Resting his head against the cool table he tried to push aside the helpless, heartbroken emotions that had overwhelmed him.

Grissom opened the door to Sara's hospital room, a small cup in his hand and a wary expression on his face.

"Green tea..." He said as Sara surveyed the strange coloured liquid in front of her.

"Thank you" She nodded, indicating for him to sit down and after a moment's hesitation he did nervously clasping his hands together.

"Sara...we have a lot we need to talk about..." Grissom started narrowing his eyes trailing of the sentence as he kept his eyes on the floor trying to gather all of his thoughts.

"I know..." Sara looked away from him.

"I want to understand...I really do" He took a deep breath. "But I don't know why you didn't call me...ask me to come home. Why you felt like you had to turn to someone else?"

"I don't know..." She replied. "I didn't mean for it to happen..."

"But it did..." Grissom studied her expression. "Can I ask why him?"

Sara didn't say a word shrugging her shoulders slightly as she looked towards the door willing someone, anyone, to come in and end this conversation.

"We can get past this" He announced. "We can leave Vegas..."

"Grissom-" But he cut her off.

"But...please promise me you won't talk to him again..." It was a desperate request, it was a last ditch attempt at saving in marriage. "I can forgive you...but that's all I ask of you"

"He's...my best friend..." Sara tried to argue with what he'd suggested but realised there was no point; they were beyond help. No amount of his forgiveness would make this better.

"All of that changed the moment you took him to bed" Grissom shrugged, his eyes on the floor. "I don't trust him..."

"I can't do this..." Sara shook her head pushing the cup of green tea away from her, the action more symbolic than she had anticipated it to be. Grissom stood up, watching her trying to find words, any words that would change her mind, make this better.

"What do you mean?" He asked for clarification, all of these years they'd used subtext, reading between the lines to understand what was happening but it was time to finally speak up to say something about the state of affairs they had found themselves in.

"I can't pretend I'm happy anymore" She took a deep breath, her skin suddenly warming. "It's not fair on either one of us"

"I want to make this work Sara" He sighed.

"I know...But it's it time we admit that it isn't working?" Tears escaped past her eyelashes as she realised there was no point in holding back- it was over. "Don't we owe it to ourselves to do what would make us happy?"

"So is this it?" Grissom raised his eyes brows. "You're choosing him"


	16. Chapter 16

Thank you all for reading- hope you're still finding this story interesting- please review!

**Dead Nature**

**(Fifteen) **

The rain crashed against the window as Greg lay staring at the ceiling, the humming of the refrigerator not far from the sofa as he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. He was waiting. It would happen any time soon. She would scream; the sound filling the apartment chilling him to the bone. And then trashing against the bed- it creaking as she tangled herself up in the blankets. It would happen. It was just a matter of time.

It had been the same for every night the past two weeks. Greg restlessly turned onto his side realising that there was nothing he could do but listen. Every time she would smile nervously at him before locking the door for fear of anyone coming in. He had promised her that he would never do anything to hurt her and even though she would nod, knowing, she still couldn't trust him.

The sound of Sara's scream made him shiver as Greg closed his eyes trying to think himself out of the situation, his heart pounding as every instinct he had to protect her fell redundant in that moment. With a heavy sigh he pulled himself to his feet, knocking on the door even though he knew she would not answer.

"Sara...Sara it's me...let me in..." The same request as every night "Sara...please..." Greg rested his hands against the door, pressing his head against the cool wood his whole body giving up.

"I just want to be alone" Her words floating through the door to him. He wanted to say something but for some reason the words were trapped in his throat, so without making a sound Greg moved back towards the sofa.

Greg had no idea how he'd gotten to sleep, but the morning was flooding through the windows when his eyes opened. With a groan he rested his head back against the pillow pulling the blanket over his head trying to ignore the day.

He was exhausted- he had been for days, it'd been so long since he'd gotten a full night's sleep. Work had been as hectic as ever and he had found himself pushing aside all of his problems just to survive but he couldn't do that here.

It was the sound of Sara moving around the kitchen that forced Greg up embrace the day, throwing the covers aside. He pulled himself, to his feet padding over to see her scrubbing the surfaces with what he presumed with the strongest cleaning agent she could find in the house.

"Morning" he said, breaking the silence, making himself known as he leant against one of the counters. It took a few moments before Sara bothered registering his presence, her eyes washing over him before turning her attention back to the sponge in her hand moving towards the stove.

"You're up early" She commented flippantly, saying the first thing that came to mind not wanting to be rude.

"Yeah...I guess" Greg ran his hand through his messy hair causally and rubbed his eyes trying to wake himself up. "You want to go get breakfast?"

"Not particularly" Sara replied with a small frown, answering before she'd even had a chance to properly think about what he'd asked.

"Sara..." Greg moved towards her slowly not wanting to alarm her. Had this been a month ago she would have let him wrap his arms around her, but he knew that it would alarm her now. "You haven't been out the house in days..."

"Stop it Greg" She pulled herself up straight look at him. "Don't do that." Greg's eyes were blank as he tried to figure out what she was accusing him of in his sleep deprived state. "Point out what I've done or haven't done"

"I'm sorry" He hands were hanging limply at his side, his palms facing her as he surrendered himself to her with everything he had. "I didn't mean to..."

She turned away from him taking a deep breath trying to gather herself and her thoughts in that moment. Greg just waited, like he had always done. Eventually Sara turned back to face him, her cheeks burning slightly as she took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry...I...I'm not sure I'm ready to go out" She said with a sigh.

"I understand..." He said with a soft smile. "I know what it's like being cooped up inside and going insane..."

"I'm sorry if I kept you up last night" She looked down at her hands, before looking up at him nervously.

"It's fine..." Greg shook his head. "How about...we get into the car...go to a drive through...and if you feel like it...we can take a walk...or get doughnuts...but if you don't we can just come back"

"I think I can handle that..." Sara gave a small nod. "Thank you for this...letting me stay here...putting up with all of this"

"Sara I love you..." He confessed looking at her with all of the honesty that he could muster. She just nodded with a sad smile.

"I better go have a shower...get dressed" Greg stated, turning to the door wondering when it would be that things would stop being so empty between them. Things between him and Sara had fallen into place the moment they had met; they had gotten on so well that this new atmosphere had started to get under his skin.

The woman standing in his kitchen now wasn't the same woman that had mocked him about his first autopsy, the one that had come to see him when he had been attacked, or the friend that had been on his side despite everything. And it hurt Greg more than he had ever imagined admitting this to himself.

The air in the car was hot and thick as they drove through the crowded city streets of Vegas to the closest drive through place for breakfast. Sara rolled the window down slightly, leaning against the edge of her seat letting the breeze rush past her skin with her eyes closed. Every so often Greg would find himself throwing nervous looks over at her to make sure that everything was okay. He had always been able to read her like a book; even when everyone else had struggled to understand Sara he had always been able to know how she was feeling.

They didn't have to wait too long, the people stopping off before work having already made their way through, the mid morning sun bright in the sky above them as they ordered coffees making their way to an empty parking space.

Greg put the radio on, turning the volume up tapping his hand against the steering wheel in time to the music taking a sip from his coffee casting his eyes around at the cars parked around them. Sara couldn't help but smile as she watched him, realising that even though everything had been changed, turned upside down Greg will still the same. Like he had always been he was still the constant thing in her life.

"I love you..." She muttered surprised that he'd heard her. Greg turned to look at Sara his eyes gleaming in the bright light, softening, a smile crossing his lips that stopped her heart for a moment.

"I love you too..." He reached for her hand looking up at her to check that it was okay, softly brushing her fingers against her palm tracing invisible patterns on it. They drank their coffee in silence a strange feeling of content in the air between them as they settled into the atmosphere and small space together.

"So where would you like to go now?" Greg asked; getting ready to put his seat belt back on and drive them both home but Sara caught him off guard.

"How about we get some pancakes?" She smiled at him nervously, a part of her wondering if she was actually ready for this step or if it was Greg that was convincing her to take a step forward. It occurred to Sara that it didn't matter.

"Are you sure?" He asked to insure he hadn't miss heard.

"Yes" Sara gave a firm nod, reaching for the door latch stepping out into the searing air, enjoying the feeling of the sun against her skin, the warm washing over her as Greg made it to be by her side. They slowly walked towards the door realising that there was no reason to rush.

The cafe was bustling with people, waitresses rushing around attempting to get their orders to the customers as quickly as possible, and the smell of coffee hitting them stronger than they had expected it too.

Greg steered Sara towards one of the empty booths, leading her there with his hand on the small of her back. It was the first time in a long time she hadn't flinched at his touch, she hadn't moved away from him. That itself, felt like a victory to Greg as they sat down.

A waitress took their order leaving the two of them to wait, attempting to figure out what conversation should fill the time.

"I'm really proud of you" Greg said picking up one of the menus in his hand reading the card even though he had no intention in asking for anything else.

"I left the house...it's not that big a deal..." Sara shrugged.

"It's a start Sara...everyone needs a starting point..." He smiled softly at her.

"It's her" Someone behind them whispered. The words making Greg frown as he turned around to see the women on the table behind them staring shamelessly at Sara. They suddenly looked away once his fierce eyes met their gaze.

"Just ignore them" He assured Sara, realising that this had been the very thing she had been scared off, the very reason she had not wanted to leave the house. The Nylon Killer case had been well documented in all the Newspapers and news channels. And the mentions of a CSI having been taken were not left out, pictures of Sara made available to the public to judge.

She gave a small nod turning her attention to the napkin in front of her folding, unfolding it, and pressing down lines across the crisp white. Greg eventually took it out of her hands, as the whispering continued, his eyes meeting Sara's with an emotion she hadn't seen in a long time. The anger seemed to burn through her as he attempted to keep it under control.

In all the years they had known each other Sara had only ever seen Greg lose his temper a handful of times. He had always been a sweet tempered person barely ever shouting or using bad language.

"Give me a minute" He growled, getting to his feet moving to stand in front of the table behind them.

"I suppose you were never told how to mind your manners in a public place?" He asked with raised eyebrows folding his arms across his chest. "Don't you think she's been through enough without you adding to it?"

"It's public knowledge, we're not saying anything everyone here isn't thinking" One of the women replied with a frown as if Greg were the one in the wrong.

"Everyone else here has the decency to keep it to themselves" He pointed out in a low voice before turning to return to their table. But Sara had already disappeared, she was no longer at the seat he'd left her in, the scraps of her napkin scattered about the table.

"Sara" he called out her name hoping that she'd appear but luck was not on his side as Greg found himself searching the sea of faces before him to realise that she'd disappeared.

He pulled his wallet out of his pocket, throwing the money for the pancakes on the table they had been sitting at, before rushing outside. He cast his eyes around the parking lot but he couldn't see her.

Greg climbed into his car, smacking his hand against the steering wheel wishing he hadn't convinced her to come to breakfast with him, realising that he needed to find her.


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you all for the reviews/feedback, I really enjoy reading what you think of this story- hope like this- please keep the reviews coming- thanks again!

**Dead Nature**

**(Sixteen) **

Greg trudged into yet another bar, the smell of liquor and sound of music filling his ears for what felt like the fortieth time. The patrons eyed him suspiciously as he filled the doorway and after a quick scan of his surroundings he sighed and turned, ready to make his way to the next bar.

Then he heard her voice, the unmistakeable husky tone that would normally send shivers all over his body. This time it didn't fill him with anticipation; she was drunk, it was evident from the slurred words and over friendly demeanour. She slammed her glass on the bar; nodding at the barman to refill it with the brown liquid she was in the process of downing.

Greg slipped into the stool by her side, keeping his eyes focussed on the barman and not on the woman by his side. A glass was placed before him and filled with a similar concoction as he tried to find the right words to say to her.

"I'm sorry... about causing a fuss...I was just..." he eventually spoke.

"Being my knight in shining armour" Sara smiled, leaning heavily on his shoulder "you're always saving me"

Greg watched as her fingers lightly stroked his arm and her eyes looked up at him with dilated pupils. She showed him nothing but adoration under the influence of alcohol, he had wished so many times she would show him the same when she was sober.

"Right now I'm saving you from this place" He muttered, draining the last of the liquid from his glass.

"I'm not a one drink kind of date, Greg" She slurred, nodding to the barman who filled both their glasses.

"I get the impression you've not just had one drink Sara"

"Well... I think you've caught me out Mr Detective..." She whispered in his ear with a seductive smile.

"Let's go home" Greg soothed, offering her his hand.

Sara hesitated for a few seconds, pursing her lips playfully before finally lacing her fingers through his. She slipped down from the stool, stumbling slightly as he led her outside and away from the bar with the intentions of sending her straight to bed when they got home.

Greg opened the door into the darkness of his apartment, helping Sara inside as she kept her arms wrapped around his neck as she looked around in confusion. Eventually she let go of him wandering towards the sofa as he placed her shoes and handbag down.

"So...what intentions do you have with bringing me back here Mr Sanders?" She cooed sitting down on the armrest of the sofa watching him with a raised eyebrow.

"Come on let's get you to bed" Greg replied, with a sigh offering her a hand to help her up but she just laughed.

"More like come to bed with me" Sara laughed; a laugh far too empty to be sober. She pulled Greg by the hand towards the bedroom stumbling on her feet, leaving him to catch her every time she fell.

Sara lay down on the bed, watching the ceiling while giggling at whatever thoughts had popped into her head as Greg searched the wardrobe for her PJs a frown creasing his brow as he attempted to ignore her.

"Are you going to ravish me sir?" She asked before pulling herself into a seated position watching as Greg reached for something on the top shelf. By the time he'd turned around she'd already taken off her jeans and was working on removing her t-shirt, tossing it aside once she'd gotten it over her head.

"What are you doing Sara?" He asked through gritted teeth picking up her clothes placing them neatly on the chair before handing her pyjamas to put on.

"I don't want to wear those" She shook her head like a stubborn toddler.

"Then what do you want to wear?" Greg asked rolling his eyes. It had been so long since he'd since Sara with such little clothes and if he was honest it'd shocked him. The scars and bruises had not healed or faded, it was all too strong a reminder of what had happened to her.

"Nothing" She laughed looking up at him deviously.

"Sara...don't do this" He shook his head slightly realising that there was no point in trying to reason with her, she was not in the mood to listen. Greg moved towards her but instead of letting him help her put on her t-shirt, her hands reached for his belt.

"What on earth are you doing?" Greg asked sternly as she fumbled with the clasp.

"I'm helping you get naked" She answered as if it was more than obvious.

"Sara- Stop it" he rubbed his eyes trying to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"No...Come on Gregory..." She pulled herself to her feet pressing a firm kiss against his lips, his arms wrapped around her waist to keep her standing. "Let's fuck"

Greg pushed her away, making sure she sat down on the edge of the bed before sitting down next to her. Taking a deep breath he took one of her hands in his own, kissing her palm before turning to look at her.

"Sara I want to do this...I really do but not now, not like this" Greg tried to see if she understood what he was saying but from the glazed over look in his eyes it was more than obvious that she didn't know what was happening.

"It's just sex- what's your problem" She shot back getting to her feet, switching the light on illuminating the situation not making their stances any clearer.

"It's not just sex Sara..." He shook his head turning away from her looking out of the window.

"Oh" She laughed running her hands through her hair. "Oh I get it. Get out Greg"

"What?" He turned to look at her with a frown.

"You think I'm disgusting...you don't want me after what he did" Sara accused him.

"You know that's not true. I love you...all that... it doesn't matter to me." He carefully met her eye but it was more that clear that Sara was not done yet.

"Let me clear something up for you Greg...it doesn't matter how long you wait... it's not going to go away... he'll still have raped me" She spat at him.

"I wasn't meaning that and you know it. I... I just want you to be sure... and preferably sober!" Greg tried to argue back realising that perhaps there was no point.

"Well you know what... that might never happen Greg... I might never be ready for that... Then what- you're going to take the vow of celibacy because your non-girlfriend has intimacy issues?" Sara asked as if the idea was ridiculous.

"If I have to." he nodded.

"I'm offering you sex... why can't you just take it? We can switch the lights off, and close the curtains so you don't have to see the scars... I'll pretend I love it if you want... but seriously why can't we just be like any other couple..." She spoke as if her words were rational.

"Because we're not like any other couple- other couple's don't need to get insanely drunk to have sex with their 'non-boyfriend'. Other couples don't need to 'pretend' they love it. Other couple's don't need to hide their bodies because they trust each other. You're not ready and I'm not going to push it just because you think we have to..." Greg answered honestly.

"You should find someone else Greg... there are plenty of women out there that'll love you, be able to give you everything I can't" She said flatly.

"No way, I don't want to find someone else... I want you. I want you to love me, and then I'll already have everything."

"... I do... I do love you" Her voice suddenly meek.

"Then stop this... I'm not going to sleep with you because you think it's what I want. It has to be what you want." Greg pleaded with her.

"It's been three months Greg...since we shared a bed...I want you to be happy...and I'll understand if you need to"

"The only thing I need is for you to get better. The rest will come later..." He said softly.

"What's wrong with you... do you think that one day everything will just fall back into place... Do you have any idea what it feels like to be chained to a bed and tortured?" Sara frowned at him, the anger once again rising in her voice.

"No...I don't" Greg shook his head.

"Then how can you possible say that you want me to be happy... Every time I close my eyes I see him... every time I look in the mirror I'm reminded of what he did... every time I look at you... I feel like I'm pathetic because you're always there trying to take care of me... I'm a grown woman for fucks sake"

"Sara...It'll get better" He just said the things he'd been trained to say.

"You really don't get it do you... how can you sit there being so oblivious Greg..." She sounded exasperated.

"I... I don't know what else to do" Greg admitted with a shrug.

"Wake up to reality Greg... I'm as fucked up as every other victim out there" Sara narrowed her eyes at him.

"That doesn't mean it won't get better. People go through terrible things every day..."

"He asked me about you... he made me tell him how it felt... what you did... every detail... how I liked it..." It sunk in that she wanted to hurt him, she wanted him to react, to stop being so passive.

"I... I know he did." Greg confessed knowing that it would only make her angrier.

"You...You read the file? When I told you not to..."

"I just wanted to try to understand... I needed to know how to help you." He tried to explain himself but it was pointless, Sara was far too drunk to listen to his reasonable arguments.

"So you did the very thing I told you not to..." She pressed her tongue against her cheek, raising her eyebrows at him.

"I had to..."

"What else did you read Greg... please enlighten me..." Sara asked.

"I wouldn't have had to read it if you would just let me in... if you would let me help you!" He shot back without meaning to.

"So this is my fault... is it?" She recoiled slightly, tilting her head back laughing at the idea.

"That's not what I said Sara, stop twisting everything." Greg sighed.

"I'm not twisting anything Greg... You want to know something that wasn't in the case file?" Sara offered stepping closer to him.

"Go ahead... tell me everything" He nodded.

"He told me to pretend it was you when he raped me...it was easier than I thought"

It was as if the air in the room had stilled, Greg watched Sara carefully, studying the blank expression with which she was looking at him. He could feel himself snap, all of the anger that he had held back that night appearing in a wave of defeat as he found himself wanting her to just stop.

Without a word he got to his feet, slamming the bedroom door shut as he walked out. Greg realised in that moment he couldn't do it, he couldn't keep going like this anymore. He was being worn down with every single day that passed.

He was exhausted with the simple effort of waking every morning and now he just didn't know...


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you for the feedback- enjoy!

**Dead Nature**

**(Seventeen) **

Greg leant his head against the steering wheel, pressing his eyes closed as he tried to gather his thoughts. He knew deep down that he should go back inside and take care of Sara but he just couldn't bring himself to face another barrage of abuse. He could feel the tension winding up inside him, a knot forming at the base of his neck as he leant back in the driver's seat.

Just watching the windows, seeing the light switch off Greg felt a wave of depression crash over him, his body willing to just give up because it was all too difficult. He loved Sara he knew that- he'd always loved her- but coming home every day he would find himself living with a stranger wondering why he couldn't just let go.

Greg would find himself waking every morning with renewed hope, thinking that perhaps that would be the day. Maybe Sara would be Sara again- maybe all of these things would just disappear. But every day would bring with it disappointment and there was only so much more he could handle.

He wondered how something had managed to overwhelm and destroy just how much he'd been in love with Sara. Greg knew that was a lie. He still loved her, she still meant more than the world to him but seeing her like this was killing him. Knowing that she'd lost a part of herself to a monster broke his heart.

Some nights he'd come home and smell of whiskey and cigarettes would fill the air and he'd know she'd been trying to forget. He would find her curled up on the sofa, and his gently touch as he tried to move her to the bedroom would not cause her to lash out, fight against his caress. And he'd watch her wishing so much that she were awake.

It had been so long since he's seen her smile, heard her laugh, and it physically hurt when he realised he could barely remember what her laugh sounded like. She would appear in the morning her eyes painted red speaking of the sadness but still she would pretend she was fine.

But how long could they keep going like this?

They weren't fine. They were broken.

He realised that he'd never felt more helpless- there was nothing he could to but sit aside and watch Sara crumble. All of his attempts at trying to sooth her failed and even though he didn't want to, he would find himself feeling frustrated.

And as much as he knew that he needed to go back inside, his body betrayed him, without thinking he found himself pulling his seat belt on and turning the ignition wanting to do nothing more than to escape.

The bar looked exactly like it had done earlier that evening, the only difference being Sara was no longer there. He sat himself down, ordering a drink while trying to figure out what it would be that would eventually convince him to go home.

"It's been a while since I saw someone hitting the whiskey that hard...something on your mind?" The bartender asked as he placed the fourth tumbler of bourbon in front of Greg.

"...I wouldn't be here if there wasn't" he stated shortly, taking a large mouthful of the liquid, he could barely feel it anymore.

"I guess you're right... didn't I see you here earlier? Yeah, you took that girl home..." He leant back studying Greg carefully trying to recall.

"You don't have to act like you don't know who she is...You saw her in papers... you're fishing for a story... well, what do you, want to know?" Greg raised his eyebrows critically.

"Hey if I wanted her story I'd have asked her! She was drunk enough to have told me anything..." The bartender attempted to defend himself.

"You'd drink if you were her...wouldn't you?"

"I just serve the drink dude, it's not my job to make judgements" he replied flippantly.

"Of course... well let me tell you... its hell... living the way we do..." He spoke more honestly that he had wanted to. His comment caught the attention of one of the patrons, forcing her to lean forward to hear him.

"Then stop living that way... It's probably good you came in when you did though... She was getting very friendly with Terry over there..." The bartender indicated to one of the guys sitting on the other side of the bar.

"Sara doesn't get friendly..." Greg pointed out firmly.

"Could've fooled me..."

"What happened?" He demanded to know.

"Hey, I know better than to run my mouth where it's not needed..." The younger man held his hands up realising that it was not the time to get involved; bad mouthing the patrons would get him nowhere but fired.

"Fine I'll ask Terry"

Greg pulled himself to his feet, taking a deep breath of the stale air making his war towards the man that the bar tender had pointed out. His dirty blond hair, shone in the dim lighting, his piercing blue eyes focused on him as he neared.

"Stay away from Sara. If she's ever in here again- you don't talk to her." Greg growled.

"Hey man, I don't even know who Sara is..." He shook his head, stroking her beard roughly as if trying to remember.

"Tall...Brunette... I took her home earlier"

"Oh... I remember her... I wouldn't have minded taking her home you know..." Terry raised his eyebrows at him as if they shared some kind of inside knowledge but Greg's stern expression did not change.

"Don't talk about Sara like that" He stated simply.

"She didn't seem to mind...in fact I'm pretty sure she told me she was looking for some of the rough stuff." He smirked.

"You have no idea what you're talking about..."Greg shook his head, frowning at the man in front of him.

"Hey, I was just here minding my own business man... ain't my fault if she's not getting any at home!" Terry laughed taking a large swing from the pint glass in his hand.

"She was raped. She was chained to a bed and tortured. She wasn't looking for anything- she came here to drink herself stupid so she wouldn't remember." He snapped, saying more than he had intended to.

"Look man, that's not my problem...but I tell you now, if you hadn't shown up she'd have gone home with me..." Terry leant back in his seat making it clear that if Greg kept persisting they were going to have a dilemma

"And you should have realised she was too drunk to make her own decisions and told her to go home... not tried to use that to get laid." he gritted his teeth.

"Why would I care how drunk she was? It's not like I was going to marry the girl" The older man replied truthfully.

"Do you have any idea how much of an ass you're being right now... You're telling me you would have taken advantage of her just like that..." It was a rhetorical question but he had a feeling that Terry would answer anyway.

"Oh come on, like you wouldn't!" he tried to coax a reaction from Greg but still nothing appeared, his dark eyes focused on him with nothing but disgust lingering in his gaze.

"No... I wouldn't have"

"Look, whatever man. You stay on your high horse if you want. I just wanted some action..."

"That's the point don't you get it... you wouldn't have gotten any... because the moment you touched her she would have fought back... she would have screamed... or cried..." Greg rolled his eyes realising that his attempts at trying to get this stranger to understand the situation he had found himself in was pointless.

No one understood, not really, they could be sympathetic or empathetic, but they didn't know what it felt like to stuck not moving forwards being forced to always look back.

"If you heard the things she said she could do you wouldn't have turned her away either...Maybe it's just you, she had no problem with my hands on her...She let me touch her more than you've probably gotten in a while...you're so uptight...No wonder she has to go looking elsewhere for a good time"

The words seemed to burn into his consciousness as Greg stood attempting to control all of the anger that was bubbling up inside his system. He couldn't help it- he saw red. His hands curled up into fists as he gritted his teeth.

Without thinking he moved forwards, taking the few steps to close the gap between him and Terry, his fist colliding with the side of the man's face. Terry had stepped towards him now, imposing on Greg but he didn't care.

"I think it's time you got out of here" Terry growled, his hands curling up into fists making it clear and if he was pushed any more he happily hit Greg back.

Greg shook his head silently making his way out of the bar, the night air wrapping around him as the alcohol seemed to hit his system in one strong hit. Leaning against the wall he closed his eyes realising that he was most certainly not sober enough to drive home.

The sound of his phone chiming in his pocket forced him to groan, he found it in his pocket answering it by accidently wanting nothing more than to want to stop it ringing.

"Greg we need you here" DB's voice filled his ears with a sense of urgency he couldn't ignore.

"I'll be right there" He replied hoping that he sounded sober. Hanging up the phone Greg made his way to the road, hailing a cab.

He could barely remember the journey to the lab, as he walked down the hallway towards the break room.

"Sorry" he gave a small laugh as he walked into one of the lab techs, pushing past as everyone watched him nervously.

"Well hello there people" Greg announced making his way into the break room, throwing his body haphazardly in one of the seats looking at the notes on the table to work out what the case was. "What's the case?"

"What are you doing Greg?" Nick growled at him as the younger man pulled one of the folders closer to him.

"I'm working the case Nick..." He shot at him.

"Greg, go to my office" DB announced with an exhausted expression studying the man in front of him.

"No...I'm not going to go to your office...you called me on my day off...either let me work or let me go home..." Greg stood up, his hands curling up into fists. As much as Greg did not want to admit hitting Terry had been strangely satisfying.

"Then go home...you're drunk" He pointed out as if it were not obvious.

"Fine" Greg stood up moving towards the door. "I need to look after Sara anyway..."

"Wait a minute...I'll drive you there" DB offered worried that Greg would attempt to drive in this state.

He didn't say a word following Russell to his car, sitting in the passenger seat hoping that there would be no attempts at conversation- he wasn't in the mood. He'd done more than enough talking recently and he just wanted to shut off. But there was no such luck, as soon as they were on the road and moving.

"Why are you doing this to yourself Greg?" Russell asked glancing at the younger man in the seat beside him.

"What are you talking about?" He rolled his eyes; he most certainly didn't want to be listening to a lecture.

"Getting drunk...Turning up to work like this...what happened..."

"I lost Sara- that's what happened" Greg turned to look at his supervisor with something burning in his gaze. "She was taken away from me"

"You still have her..." Russell frowned as he kept his eyes focused on the road.

"No I don't...she's gone...And no one fucking understands that" He couldn't help it, tears were stinging his eyes as he found himself falling into the same trap of fatalism that Sara had done earlier that night.

"What don't they understand?" The questions were just tricks to get him to talk Greg knew that but he couldn't hold any of this back any more.

"They don't know what it's like to look at the woman you love and know that she doesn't trust you, that she doesn't want to be with you...that she's scared that she's going to be hurt even when all you want to do is protect her. They don't knows what it's like waking up in the middle of the night to hear someone you'd do anything to save screaming but realising there is nothing you can do...No one understands that Sara's gone...that the person I'm living with isn't her"

The words came out settling in the atmosphere as they parked in front of Greg's condo, and when Russell turned to look at him in sunk in that Sara was not the only one that was broken...


	19. Chapter 19

I'm preparing myself for your reactions to this...

**Dead Nature**

**(Eighteen) **

**(One Month Later) **

The clinical smell of the hospital seemed to infect his system with an exhausted feeling, washing over him as Greg glanced nervously at Sara beside him. She apprehensively folded the leaflets the doctor had giving her, her eyes focused on the children playing with the building blocks in the corner of the waiting room.

"I used to love those blocks when I was a kid" She said unceremoniously before looking away, scanning the hallway for any sign of the specialist they were waiting for. The Orthopaedic Department of the hospital was bustling with people, nurses, doctors and patients attempting to get to the places they needed to be.

"Sara Sidle" Her name was called and with a deep breath Sara pulled herself to her feet, making her way slowly to the door with little regard to whether Greg followed. He knew she hated the way he hovered at all of her appointments but he didn't know how to act calm when everything she was going through so physical, so present.

"Ms Sidle, from what I've read you've been referred to me because you've been suffering severe back and joint pain" The doctor read the file, glancing up at her with a small smile trying to make her feel at ease.

"Yes..." Sara gave a small nod, silently thankful that the doctor was a woman, realising that it was more than likely she would need to be fully examined.

"How frequent would you say the pain is?" The doctor asked, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, carefully studying the small print on the form in front of her.

"...All the time...It doesn't really go away...it started a few days ago, I've been taking over the counter painkillers but they don't really help" She muttered, her eyes on the way Greg had taken her hand, his touch burning and as much as she wanted to tell him to stop it she realised that it would break his heart more than it was already broken.

"Could you please pop up on the exam table" She instructed with a smile.

"Greg...Could you...please...go get a cup of coffee..." Sara stumbled over the words not knowing how to tell him that she didn't want him there. Even though he told her how he still thought she was beautiful, how despite everything he didn't love her any less it didn't feel that way.

Sara had seen more than once the way he looked at her when he thought she wouldn't notice and she realised she wasn't ready to let Greg pass judgement. Not yet.

"Yeah" He pulled himself to his feet with a frown. "I'll go get...myself a cup of coffee" barely looking at her as he made his way out of the door.

He sat himself down in the waiting room every so often looking at the clock; the minutes seemed to feel like hours in this place. Sara eventually appeared at the door saying a quiet goodbye to the doctor catching his eye anxiously.

"What did she say?" He asked as they stepped into the elevator.

"Uhm..." Sara leant back against the wall considering whether there was any point in telling Greg. "She said it's the stress...gave me a referral to see a psychology who specialises in PTSD"

"That's good" He gave a nod acknowledging that he had heard what she'd said- but unsure of how to respond to the news.

"I guess" Sara shrugged.

"Sara...if you ever want to talk about it...then you know you can talk to me don't you?" Greg mumbled as he climbed into the driver's seat.

"You...You don't want to know" She shook her head. "It's best...if you don't know"

"Sara...I do...And I want to help" Greg pleaded with her.

"I know..." Sara sighed glancing out of the window.

"Then...Why...are you pushing me away?" he asked, his voice harsher than he had wanted it to be.

"I'm...I don't know..." She eventually said, closing her eyes trying to stop the tears that were forming.

"Do...Do you think this is my fault?" Greg asked as he pulled the car up outside his condo.

"What?"

"...If we hadn't...if we hadn't slept together...you wouldn't have gone to see him...you wouldn't have...had to go through all of this" He wanted to stop the words that were appearing on his lips but he couldn't.

"Why...Why would you say something like that?" Sara took a deep breath, her chest heaving slightly as the tears appeared as much as she wanted to stop. Without a word she clambered out of the car, slamming the passenger side door shut leaving Greg alone.

He looked at the clock it becoming apparent that he didn't have time to stay and fix things, his shift was going to start in fifteen minutes and the drive to the lab took longer than that. Greg looked up to see Sara close the front door and with an exhausted sigh he started the engine to his car.

It dark when he returned, parking in the very spot they had argued and he could feel an overwhelming feeling of dread as h approached the front door. The living room light was on, and as he stepped inside he could see Sara curled up on the sofa a book in her hands. She glanced up before returning her attention to the words in front of her.

"Look I'm sorry...for the things I said before" Greg muttered crouching down in front of her, forcing Sara to meet his eye; she didn't say a word simply giving a small nod.

"Did...you go to see the psychologist?" It was this question that actually got a response from her. Sara placed aside the book in her hands and took a shaky breath.

"No...I went there...But I just...couldn't make myself go inside..." She moved the blanket on her lap aside.

"I'll call...book another appointment, we can go together" He said softly touching her leg, but she visibly shivered at the contact, recoiling from his touch.

"No" The word came out firmly.

"Sara...This isn't going to get better unless you talk to someone about it...tell someone how you feel..." He persisted but Sara just moved past him climbing off the sofa.

"Why don't you understand that I don't want to talk...I just want to pretend it ever happened...and move on..." She shouted at him, moving towards the kitchen.

"Sara...Look me in the eye and tell me that you can do that and I'll stop" Greg asked, taking the bottle of wine from her hands.

"Just go Greg...just leave me alone..." She seemed to be pleading with him reaching for the wine.

"No...I'm not going to until I know you're okay...until you've gotten yourself some help" He said through gritted teeth but it did nothing to stop Sara pouring herself a drink ignoring him as tears poured down her cheeks.

"Just stop talking...please..."

And without a word Greg turned away from her moving towards the door not bothering to look back as he realised he was exhausted. He was tired of trying to get through to Sara; everything was falling apart. With a person down work had been more stressful than ever before, half of his friends looked on him with disgust as they recalled what he had done to Grissom and Sara's marriage and when he returned home he would find himself being drawn into her depression.

Greg seemed to be driving for miles, in circles around the city, pulling up in a car park, resting his head against the steering wheel. He checked his phone but Sara had not called and he realised that he was in no mood to try and reason with her. Greg stuffed his phone back in his pocket making his way towards the door.

'Spearmint Rhino' in large letters, not that it mattered, he just needed to be somewhere else- be someone else. Greg paid the cover charge realising he couldn't use work as an excuse to get in, making his way towards the bar ordering a drink.

He took a seat in one of the darker corners, watching the barely clothed women winding themselves around poles on the stage. A busty blonde made her way towards him, swivelling her hips in small circles but he found himself frowning and looking towards the bar.

"I want her" Greg stated, indicating to the tall, pale, brunette standing on the other side.

"You got it" The blonde rolled her eyes walking away from him.

The other girl eventually made her way towards him, her eyes meeting his and he felt a small sense of disappointment as he realised what he was doing. As soon as he had finished his drink another one had been placed by his side, and then another, Greg's barriers at self control slowly melting away.

The brunette had moved into the space between his legs, her body barely grazing his as she twisted her hips in time to the music. She settled in his lap, bracing herself on his thighs as her movements become more prominent rubbing over him as a sudden blood rush left him breathless. Greg awkwardly shifted in his seat, wanting to stop this, but she turned to face him giving him a seductive smile he found himself frozen.

"Would you like to take this somewhere more private?" She muttered to him and without thinking about it Greg found himself saying yes. She led him towards a small office, pressing the door closed behind them, firmly twisting the lock.

"There are no cameras in here so you can relax..." She stated not offering anything else before she placed her lips on his leading him towards the sofa in the corner. Greg found himself tumbling down on top of her, her hands making easy work of his shirt and tie.

"Fuck me" The words crudely hanging in the air as it sunk in how wrong this was.

"I need to go home...I can't do this..." Greg pulled himself to his feet trying drunkenly to do up the buttons on his shirt.

"I can pretend to be her..." She whispered grabbing hold of his hand. "...if you want"

"No" He shook his head.

"Did she leave you?" The question seemed awfully personal but as Greg looked at her, he realised just how well he was being manipulated.

"Something like that" He shrugged. In a sense it was true- Sara wasn't herself anymore- she wasn't the woman he had fallen in love with.

"What would she do?"

"She'd ask me to make love to her" The words sounded so wrong in their current setting but his senses were so mixed up, he could barely see straight, let alone begin to comprehend the consequences of his actions.

"Make love to me" The girl whispered in his ear, pulling him again to the sofa and this time Greg didn't think, he didn't feel, he just did.

"How does she do it?" She asked as if it were simple logistics as if there no connection to worry about it.

"She...wraps her legs around me...and rocks her hips..." He mumbled ashamed of himself but realising that this was just sex- he was just pretending and he far too drunk to think of why not. It had been over three months since he and Sara had last had sex- and in that time she had refused to let him near her let alone initiate anything intimate.

It was quick as all of the frustration bubbled up to the surface. As he came he groaned 'Sara' but the girl beneath him didn't seem to care what name was on his lips. Greg pulled himself to his feet, he got dressed disgusted with himself as he took all of the cash he had in his wallet and handed it to her.

Without another word he made his way on to the street, hailing a cab realising he needed to get back to Sara. He needed to say he was sorry and make sure she was okay. The guilt overwhelmed him, all of the booze seeping out of his pores.

Greg threw the front door open but all of the lights were off- and there was no sound in the house. As he made his way up the stairs the bedroom door was wide open, Sara was sprawled out on the bed fast asleep.

He sat down leaning against the wall watching her, not wanting to wake her but not wanting to be away from her. Greg closed his eye hoping that he would wake in the morning and find it had all been a dream- that tonight had never happened.


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you for your reviews- keep them coming- this chapter was fairly hard going- it did take a lot to write but I hope you all like it.

**Dead Nature**

**(Nineteen) **

The morning light flooded through the windows, the day hitting her like falling from a ten story building her body achy and exhausted. With a deep breath she turned beneath the covers attempting to get comfortable again wanting more than anything to be able to fall into a deep undisturbed slumber.

Sara's tired eyes surveyed what was before her with a slight frown; Greg was on the floor by the bed, his head resting on his arms as he sprawled out on the floor, one hand kept firmly on the bed inches away from her. The position he had fallen asleep in, looked awkward, painful if anything.

A shiver ran through her body as she felt a flood of affection for him after the anger and the resentment she had thrown his way the day before. Trying not to make too much noise Sara pulled herself up from the bed stepping carefully over Greg's form.

"Greg...Greg...Get up" She whispered, tugging at his arm slightly. He slowly woke, blinking trying to figure out what was happening as she pulled him up, dragging him towards the bed. With a small groan he climbed under the covers as Sara pulled them around his shoulders.

"I just wanted to be close to you" He found himself saying while settling against the pillows the ache in his neck burning into his consciousness. Sara didn't say a word smoothing out the covers around him.

"Don't go..." He muttered holding onto her arm, a sense of panic rose up as Sara looked down at his grip. His skin burning hers with its warmth as he held on to her; a part of her wanted to shout at him until he let her go. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes attempting to push Ivan Becker out of her mind.

"Sara..." Greg murmured again bringing her hand to his lips "I love you...I love you so much..."

With a sharp intake of breath she found herself stilling, tears stinging her eyes as her body and mind seemed so conflicted in that moment. It was Greg. But still somehow she couldn't force herself to relax.

"I know..." She replied after taking a gulp of air, pulling her hand away from him. "I know you do..."

Once again tucking the blankets around him, she made her way quietly out of the room, closing the door behind her. She switched the coffee pot on, tidying the living room while she waited, attempting to preoccupy her mind pushing aside the thoughts that were making their way into her consciousness.

Things needed to change; they couldn't keep going like this. She knew that if she kept pushing Greg away she was going to lose him forever and then would she have? Nothing- Ivan Becker would have won. She had survived and yet still she would have lost everything.

Greg made his way out of the bedroom, tiredly rubbing his eyes as stood in the kitchen door way. Sara looked up at him with a tried smile, handing him a cup of coffee as he settled onto the counter with the copy of the morning paper.

"I'm sorry about last night" She muttered quietly sitting down beside him.

"It's fine...let's forget it every happened" He replied to her softly, the guilt building like a lump in his throat.

"Okay..." Sara gave a small nod. "What time are you going to be back tonight?"

"Hopefully not too late...but you know how it is..." He shrugged, Sara silently gave a nod, the sound of the attracting her attention. She made her way towards the front door bringing the letters into kitchen.

"I'm going to get ready..." Greg got to his feet. "Would you like me to bring anything back for you tonight?"

"No...I don't think I need anything" She shook her head turning back to her coffee.

"Okay" he made his way out of the kitchen leaving her alone with her thoughts once again. She realised it hurt her to acknowledge how much distance had come between them in the past few months. And if anything it only seemed to make her more determined to make things right again.

Once Greg had gotten ready he made his way out of the house realising that he still needed to go and pick up his car from the strip club he had left it at the previous night. He took a cab there wanting to get out of that part of town as quickly as he could.

"Didn't think I'd see you again so soon" A voice hummed as the sound of heels approached him but Greg ignored her for a few moments.

"I'm just leaving" He responded shortly.

"That's a shame..." She paused stepping closer to him. "If you're feeling lonely again tonight...I'll be around..."

"No" Greg shook his head firmly.

"Well it seemed to me like you had a lot of issues to work though...I could help you with that..." She placed a hand causally on his shoulder.

"Issues worked out. I'm done" He removed her hand from its resting place.

"If you're sure..." She paused licking her lips. "If you're not...call me" She slipped something into his pocket before slowly walking away leaving him reeling. Greg realised that he had never felt so guilty before, he had never like he had betrayed anyone the way he had done Sara the night before. With that feeling burning away in the pit of his stomach he climbed into his car and made his way to work.

The sound of the door bell ringing echoed around the house until Sara was forced to pull herself to her feet, with a wary sigh she swung it open not prepared for the person on the other side.

"Lady Heather" She raised her eyebrows stepping aside to let her in realising that she didn't know what else to do.

"Sara" She paused taking a look around the apartment, how clean everything appeared to be giving away the very question she had come to ask. "I wanted to see how you were doing"

"Fine...Why?" Sara replied with a frown making her way towards the kitchen waiting to be followed inside.

"It's a terrible ordeal you went through..." She paused placing down her bag on the breakfast bar, slinging her coat over the back of one of the stools. "And I understand that it would be difficult to come to terms with"

"Of course you understand" Sara rolled her eyes as she made them both some fresh tea.

"Many of my patients...Have experienced trauma such as yours Sara" Heather raised her eyebrows at her.

"I'm sure" Came the quick response.

"It's not easy to have control taken away from you" She paused knowing that she needed to tread carefully. "Especially...when you've experienced that as a child-"

"You know nothing about my childhood" Sara cut her off.

"But I know what you are going through...Sara let me help you" She said softly.

"Why?" Sara turned to face her, her hands curled up into fists at her side. "Why do you want to help me?"

"Wouldn't you want to help if you knew you could?" She asked wide eyed.

"Yes- I would" Sara gave a nod turning her attention to the tea once again. "Grissom and I are no longer together...We're getting divorced" She found herself having to clarify that this would not be a favour for a friend.

"I know..." Heather paused taking the tea from her shaking hand. "How are things between you and Greg?"

"Not good" Sara responded honestly. "He's...He's pulling away from me, and I know it's my fault but I...I just don't know to stop it"

"It's not your fault..." She shook her head. "This is going to take time but you can work through it together..." Heather placed a card on the table. "I have to go now...I have a patient...but if you want to talk, if you want to bring Greg and then call me any time...my cell is almost always on"

"Thank you" Sara looked up at the woman in front of her, her heart warming to the gesture, her eyes stinging slightly. "Thank you..."

"It's okay Sara...You don't need to thank me, you need to promise that you're going to get help and get better" She replied with a small smile leaving Sara alone once again.

Greg pulled up in the drive way after a long shift, his eyes stinging from the hours of paperwork he had forced himself to get through, his body tired from all the sleepless nights. Without thinking he pulled out the number in his pocket his body wanting more than anything to call. But as he looked to see the living room light on he realised that he couldn't do it.

With a deep breath he stuffed the bit of paper back into his pocket making his way inside. Sara was sitting on the sofa, her hands clasped together in her lap as she stared off into the distance. She stood up once she'd seen him standing there.

"You're home" She smiled softly pulling herself to her feet. Sara took his hand in her own leading him to the bedroom. The sheets had been changed, Greg noted as he tried to put together what was happening.

"I...I want to try something" She said quietly.

"Sara..." He tried to stop her but she just shook her head.

"I'm sure Greg" She took a step closer to him. "I...I haven't been drinking...I know what I'm doing..."

Greg pressed a kiss against her forehead slowly pulling Sara towards him, wrapping his arms around her in an embrace. He had forgotten just how it felt to hold her, to simply just hug her and feel her holding onto him in the same way.

"I love you" She whispered against his skin. "I don't want to lose you"

"You're not going to lose me" He held on to her tighter. "Not now, not ever"

They slowly pulled apart Greg softly brushed the hair away from her face, looking at her with those brown eyes that had always gotten through to her. Sara pressed her lips against his, kissing him slowly as his arms remained wrapped around her waist. Sara made her way towards the bed, pulling Greg with her; they slowly tangled together against the crisp sheets exchanging soft kisses.

"It's okay" She whispered carefully undoing the buttons on her shirt, Greg didn't let his hands go anywhere they hadn't been invited, remaining on her shoulders and running up and down her sides. He didn't say a word slowly letting her undress herself and him at her own pace. Sara found herself looking to his eyes for reassurance every so often, he would just look at her with everything he could muster pressing a kiss to her lips.

"We don't have to" He replied as Sara nervously tugged at the waist band of her panties, the deep circular scar Ivan had left still there; she knew it wasn't likely to fade, he had carved into her, marked her. But she just shook her head removing them and pulling Greg towards her once again. Looking into her eyes and he placed a kiss on her lips as he pushed in to her slowly.

With her eyes closed her hands gripped around his shoulders as she braced herself for what was to come. Greg moved slowly over her not wanting to panic her as his body imposed on Sara's. She didn't say anything her hands remaining on his shoulders.

"Please don't..." The words appeared on her lips in a whimper, her hands pressing against his chest pushing him away.

"Sara...Sara...talk to me" Greg moved to lie down beside but she'd turned away from him, bringing her knees to her chest, tears streaming down her face. "Please...talk to me"

"I can't..." She muttered, her sobs shaking her entire body as she attempted to disappear into the smallest thing she could be.

Greg reached out to touch her but she flinched at his hand, the action dissolved all the hope that had built up in his body. "Sara..." But there was no reply.


	21. Chapter 21

Sorry for the slow update- I hope you all enjoy this- review let me know! :)

**Dead Nature**

**(Twenty)**

Sara and Greg sat awkwardly in the waiting room, looking at the other people that surrounded them attempting to not think about the reasons they were there. They both knew that this was long over-due that one day they would have to make this change.

"Sara Sidle" The receptionist called out her name her heart skinning as she realised this was it- there was no going back.

Greg took her hand in his, squeezing it tightly as they made their way inside and for the first time in a long time Sara remembered just how much comfort he had always been able to provide her. Looking at him gratefully she kissed his cheek muttering "Thank you" into his ear.

"That's what I'm here for" he whispered back kissing the back of her hand as they made their way inside. Dr Kessler sitting at her desk surrounded by notes and books and the urge to run consumed Sara but she knew if she walked away now that she and Greg would not stand a chance. They needed help and it was time that she admitted it to herself.

"Thank you for seeing us on such short notice" She said clearing her throat sitting down in one of the chairs beside Greg.

"It's no problem..." Heather smiled at them both. "I'm glad you decided to. And it's nice to see you Greg."

"Hi" He gave a small nod, nervously smiling at her.

"Sara I know how hard this must be for you, and if at any point, you're feeling uncomfortable, you just need to say" She assured the brunette with a pleasant manner Sara hadn't been accepting.

"Okay" Sara gave a nod. "Let's get this started"

"Have either one of you been in sex therapy before?" She asked, moving various things around, bringing a note book close to her and picking up a pen.

"No" They both said in unison and shook their heads.

"Okay... what do you expect to gain from this?" It was this question that caught them both out. There were so many things that needed to change, to improve between them. Sara took a deep breath turning to Greg.

"I want to be able to open up to Greg again...to show him that I trust him..." She said honestly knowing that she'd pulled away from him more than she had ever intended to.

"That's good...Greg what about you?" Heather turned her attention to him.

"I want for Sara to be comfortable with me again...to see that... I just want to make things work..." He replied realising that there was no point in lying in here they weren't going to gain anything from pretending that everything was okay.

"That's only natural" Heather assured her. Sara turned to look at Greg wanting more than anything to put into words how much she wanted to change things to show him that she trusted him more than anyone else. "Sex therapy uses the principles of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in order to help solve the problems you've been having...Therapy is like learning a language...You're training your brain to work in a different way...It's not easy at first and you're not going to get better without practice but if you keep going it'll become easier..."

They both nodded attempting to take in everything that was being said realising that without committing to this, that things would never change.

"I'm going to start with a few questions and answer them as much as you can..." Heather gave Sara a quick nod knowing this was the way that it all had started last time- it had been questions like these that had caught her in the web of a psychopath.

Greg took her hand in his own again, glancing at Sara nervously wanting her to know that he was there to support her and that this time he wasn't going to let her get hurt. She knew that he would have done anything to stop what had happened to her but wishing they could change the past wasn't going to help them.

"What does sex mean to you?" Heather asked leaning forward in her chair carefully meeting Greg's eye indicating for him to go first.

"It's...It's a chance to be closer to someone than you ever are with other people..." He replied not knowing what to say. Sex had always just been sex. It hadn't been until he'd met Sara that he realised just how much it could mean.

"Sara?"

"Giving a part of yourself to someone you care about" She shrugged slightly facing the same dilemma Greg had done realising that she didn't know what to say. She'd had sex with people she hadn't cared about. She'd given parts of herself to people that had not deserved them.

"How important would you say it was in your relationship?" It was a loaded question and Sara found herself pausing as she realised she didn't know just how much it had all meant to Greg.

"It's not everything" His voice was hoarse- the words like sand paper on his tongue as he forced himself to speak. "I just want to be with Sara. I was in love with her years before I had sex with her."

"But we can't...ignore it, this, and never have sex" Sara said looking at him. "I want to be able to give you that..."

"Sara...You've mentioned twice about giving something away during sex...What do you mean?" Heather asked the question Sara had been wanting more than anything to avoid.

"I don't know..." She gave a small shrug, looking down at her hands, picking at her nails.

"What would you like to change about your sex life?" She asked realising that pressuring Sara into talking about something that she wasn't ready for wouldn't help.

"To feel like I'm in control again..." She took a quick breath. "That Iv- He... isn't"

"Does Greg make you feel out of control? Like you have to say 'yes' to his advances?" The questions were blunt but they were forcing Sara to think. She glanced at Greg to see him straightening in his back, sitting up in his chair as he kept his hands clasped together on his lap.

"No" Sara shook her head. "No he doesn't"

"Greg you said that sex wasn't the most important thing...what's more important to you?"

"Spending time together is more important...just the two of us...being able to talk about anything and everything, to laugh at bad jokes...watch movies...and eat junk food...drink too much" He said all the things he could think of. The happiest he had been in the past few months had been the day they had gone to get breakfast, sitting in the car beside Sara listening to music, to hear her say that she loved him. He could almost remember with perfect detail how content he had felt in that moment.

"And have you done that recently?" She scribbled down a few notes looking up at them waiting for someone to answer.

"No" Greg eventually responded.

"That's where you need to start..." Heather paused glancing at Sara. "You need to reconnect...to realise that your relationship is a little more than what you do in the bedroom...For next time I want to be able to speak with you about something you've done...together..."

The statement ended the session and the two of them gathered themselves together saying a quick thank you before disappearing out of the office. As they walked towards the car, Greg took Sara's hand in his own, he realised that all of this time he'd been scared of scaring Sara that he'd just stopped trying to be the man he had been before. More than anything he wanted Sara to realise that he was the same person and that he still felt the same way about her and that would never change.

Instead of pulling her hand back like he had expected to, she laced her fingers through his attempting to familiarise herself with his touch again. A part of her wanted to say something about the session they had just had but no words seemed fitting.

The drive back home was mainly silent the sound of the radio filling the car as they moved through the roads of Las Vegas finally pulled up outside. Greg glanced at his watch realising that he needed to head to work.

"I'm sorry...I'm going to have to go..." He informed her quietly.

"It's okay...I'll see you when you get home" Sara smiled softly, not know what to do. It took a few seconds for Greg to process his next move but before he had a chance to stop himself he'd leant to kiss her. She didn't respond for a few moments suppressing her sense of panic before she kissed him back.

"I'll see you later" She muttered to him climbing out of the car.

The rest of that day seemed to fall into place as Greg found himself feeling more optimistic than he had done in a long time. They were taking small steps forward but the progress was more than he could have hoped for. He knew now that he was never going to get the old Sara back, it was time that they let g of what once had been and tried to start again to rebuild.

He drove home attempting to relax, cranking up the radio, lighting a cigarette as the traffic barely moved through the neon lit streets. It felt strange to him that after all of his time he actually wanted to go home. Greg had spent the past few months being dragged into depression and going home was just another placed he had to face all of the things that had gone wrong. As he studied the traffic lights ahead of him, he realised that he wanted to see Sara, to be with her. They were reconnecting again- they were trying to make things work.

As he pulled up in the drive way he could see the living room light on but as he made his way through the door the house was silent, Sara nowhere to be seen. With a wary sigh he found his heart sinking wondering if she'd gone out, if she'd was somewhere sitting alone drinking. He placed his things down leaving his suit jacket and shirt in the bedroom making his way into the bathroom.

The first thing that hit him when he opened the door was the thick, heavy smell of vanilla candles. Sara looked up at him, lower the book in her hands, a moment's shock leaving them both motionless.

"I'm sorry..." Greg turned to make his way out of the door.

"It's okay..." Sara nodded slightly indicating for him to come in. Greg moved towards her, perching on the edge of the bath tub beside her.

"How was your day?" She asked as his hands found her shoulders gently massaging the tense muscles.

"Not bad...a lot of paperwork..." Greg shrugged slightly.

"I...I think I'd like to get back to work soon..." Sara suggested as Greg lathered up soap in his hands running it gently over her shoulder blades.

"Oh" He realised that he didn't want to start an argument.

"I think...I'm ready...What do you think?" She enquired folding the corner of her book over to mark her place.

"Whatever you want..." Greg said softly, kissing the top of her head. "If you feel like you're ready then we can go see Russell...Work something out"

"...What about... What about everyone else?" She asked nervously realising that this would be the first time she would see everyone since Grissom had left.

"They'll be fine..." He assured her tenderly washing away the soap suds.

"How's everyone?" Sara questioned wondering if many things had changed in the time she'd been away.

"They're all good...they're all the same as they were before. Doc Robbins asked about you today...I told him you were doing well" Greg replied not wanting to worry her about everyone's reactions when she went back. He shook the water of his hands clamber up to his feet.

"I'll go and get dinner ready..." He told her pressing a kiss to her head. "You relax"

"I love you" Sara said stopping Greg in his tracks as he made his way to the door. He turned to face her with a smile that made her heart stop, a smile more genuine than one she had seen on his lips for a long time.

"I love you too"


	22. Chapter 22

Sorry for the slow update- things have been somewhat hectic!

Do you think Greg made the right decision? Review- let me know ;)

**Dead Nature**

**(Twenty One)**

Greg nervously waited at the door a cigarette slowly burning out between his fingers; the air around him was thick and humid the dense dark clouds overhead speaking of the rare sight of rainfall in Las Vegas. The sombre mood of the weather seemed to perfectly match the apathetic feelings that were filling his consciousness. If he was truly honest with himself he didn't know why he was here- perhaps he had realised that keeping certain truths from was wrong yet finding himself a coward in the face of telling her. Tossing the cigarette butt aside he decided it was time to finally get himself together and do his best to fix things.

"Greg" Lady Heather looked at him with surprise. "I wasn't expecting to see you today"

"I know...there were a few things I wanted to talk to you about" He confessed nervously standing by the door not knowing whether to go in or not.

"Come in" She indicated for him to take the seat opposite her. "Can I get you anything?"

"No...I'm fine...Thank you" He awkwardly sat himself down realising that it felt strange being in this office without Sara by his side. Silence fell between them waiting for him to explain why he had found himself in here.

"How have things between you and Sara been?" She questioned.

"Great...things are going well" He nodded. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about...I did something stupid" He paused swallowing the lump in his throat.

"What exactly did you do?" She remained calm waiting for him to finally spill the words that were building up in his throat.

"I...I paid for sex" He found himself in shock from saying it out loud.

"How long ago did you do this?" Heather took note on the small jotter pad on her desk.

"Just over a month- things between Sara and I had gotten really bad- we'd had an argument and I went out. It...I had a few too many drinks...and I ended up in the back from of some strip club..." He explained wishing he could make that night disappear from his memory. "And I need to tell Sara but I don't know how..."

"Do you?" She raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you need to tell her?"

"What do you mean?" A frown creased his brow.

"It'll break her heart...knowing that you felt so deprived of human connection that you paid someone else..."It was true- Greg knew that.

"But isn't it more important to be honest?" He asked wide eyed.

"Are you in love this girl? Did you catch anything from her?" The questions seemed harsher than he had been expecting yet her expression remained calm.

"No" Greg shook his head. "It was a stupid mistake- if I could take it back I'd do it in a heartbeat"

"Then what do you hope to gain from telling Sara?" The question seemed to be simple yet Greg found himself lost for words. "Because knowing would only hurt her... In that time it wasn't that she didn't want to have sex with you...It was that she couldn't...she was still healing. And right now all she needs to know is that you love her and that you're going to be there for her..."

"So I lie?" Greg gave a shrug.

"No- You need to forget that you made a stupid mistake and focus on Sara, the here and now, because she still needs you" It all seemed obvious enough, but Greg couldn't shake the feeling that he was doing something wrong by not telling her.

As he made his way home he attempted to figure out what telling Sara would lead to but, he found himself at a loss as he realised that would be it, she would leave him. They would both end up with broken hearts and in the end what for?

He swung open the front door, the sound of the TV surrounding him, but Sara nowhere in sight.

"I'm home" He shouted to the house slipping his jacket off his shoulders placing it on the back of the sofa.

"I'm in here" Sara replied from the kitchen. He found her hovering over simmering pots a focused look crossing her features as she stirred one of them.

"Come over here and try this for me will you" With a small pause Greg made his way over letting her spoon some of the sauce into his mouth. "What do you think?"

"It's good" He nodded watching her as she clicked her tongue turning back to the stove.

"I think it's missing something...Basil...Or maybe chive?" She shrugged her shoulders looking at the small bottles of herbs she had lined up on the kitchen counter.

"Sara...there's something I need to talk to you about..." Greg found the words coming out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Me too" She smiled nervously at him. "But you go first"

"No...It's fine...what did you want to say?" He perched himself at the breakfast bar.

"Okay..." Sara nervously smoothed down her top. "I'm ready..."

"Ready" Greg raised his eyebrows at her.

"Things have been going so well...the sessions with Dr Kessler have helped...And I feel like we're getting back on track...and I realised I need to move forwards now because if I don't...Iv- Ivan would have won and I'm not ready to let that happen" She began talking carefully avoiding his eye out of fear that he would shut her down, that there would be doubt reflected in his gaze. "I want you to come to bed with me" Sara finally confessed.

"Oh" Greg remained silent as he processed the shock and the things that she had said. It had been true, they had been doing well, they had finally started sleeping in the same bed, and Sara no longer pushed him away when he went to kiss her. He couldn't deny that the intimacy between them had grown as they had practised the touch exercises they had been set; becoming slowly more comfortable with each other's bodies as well as their own.

"Please...say something...other than 'oh'" Sara looked at him pleadingly and slowly moved towards him.

"I don't know what to say" He gave her a small shrug.

"How about, yes?" Sara laughed pressing her lips against his slowly. It was the look her eyes that seemed to finally convince it; the trust and the love he saw was glaringly obvious and he knew but confessing he would break all of that. It was time to bury the memory that had been haunting him and focus moving forward.

"Okay...let's...give it a go..." He nodded smiling softly at her.

"That's more like it Mr Sanders" Sara kissed him again. "What did you want to say?"

"Oh...It was nothing..." Greg shook his head. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you..." He kissed her forehead.

"I love you too" The smile on her lips getting to him more than it had done ever before.

It was the sound of the various timers she had set that ended their few moments of peace. Sara moved back towards her attempts at cooking dinner leaving Greg to sit aside and watch her.

"I'm just going to shower..." He announced unceremoniously getting to his feet and making his way out of the kitchen.

The steam surrounded him, as the water came crashing down over his head, Greg took a deep breath of air, he firmly pressing his palms against the tiles to brace himself. It occurred to him that he felt drained and tired, switching the water off he hauled himself out of the tub.

As he made his way into the bedroom he found Sara perched on the edge of the bed, her hands resting on her knees as she muttered quietly to herself. She looked up at the sound of his footsteps carefully meeting his eye. She gave him a nervous smile, pulling herself to her feet and making her way towards him.

There was a change in the air, there was a subtly in the way she was looking at him that left Greg feeling breathless. Sara pressed a kiss gently on to his lips, her hands resting on his chest, his damp skin beneath her fingertips. Their eyes met again in the almost darkness and she just nodded tangling her fingers through his.

"Sara..." he muttered as her hands searched his body, slowly taking in every inch of his torso, memorising every muscle.

"I'm sure..." She whispered in his ear. "I'm surer than I've ever been before" With that she switched the bedside lamp on, flooding the room in a glow.

Greg found himself sitting on the bed by her side, kissing her softly as they attempted to become comfortable with what was happening. Sara slowly reached for the buttons on her shirt, pulling away from him as she slowly pulled the material away from her body. She brought his hands towards her body, guiding him, her palm pressed against his tracing patterns against her skin. Sara inched his touch up towards her breasts, gasping slightly at how delicately his fingers moved around the edges of her bra. They slowly kissed; Sara removed the rest of her clothes as Greg let her lead them.

"Can I have top?" She asked, blushing slightly out of embarrassment at her request.

"Of course- whatever you want" Greg smiled, kissing her before swinging his legs onto the bed. Sara hovered by his side, pulling away the towel that had been wrapped around his waist, pressing kisses against his jaw as her hand encircling him. A groan escaped his lips as he carefully met her eye, the air around them stilling. Greg tenderly stroked the hair away from her face, "I love you"

Sara nodded, biting her lip, slowly straddling him, their bodies joining the heat between them surfacing once again in a spectacular display. A gasp escaped her lips as she slowly rocked her hips, her whole body with the action. Sara leant across him, pressing her lips against Greg's as they slowly moved against each other. Their hips created a rhythm, his hands on her waist, her hands in his shoulders and their eyes meeting in the pale light.

They breathlessly moved towards oblivion, sweat glistening across their bodies, as their laboured breathing left its mark in the air. It overwhelmed Sara, her whole body shivering as she rested her head against Greg's chest an exhausted sigh appearing in the air. He gently stroked her hair as they remained tangled together, without words. Tears stung Sara's eyes as she listened to the sound of his heart beat.

"Hey..." Greg said softly, brushing her hair away from her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing..." Sara propped herself up, shaking her head. "Nothing's wrong..." But the frown that creased his brow spoke of how he didn't believe her.

"I've missed you" She said breathlessly, a fresh set of tears glistening in her eyes. "I've missed you so much..."

"Hey...Look at me..." Greg tilted her chin up so Sara was looking at him. "I'm here...I've always been here... you don't have to miss me...I'm not going to go anywhere... I'm not going to leave you... I promise..."

They shared a breathless kiss, their sound of their heartbeats meeting in the heavy air. Greg wrapped his arms around her, holding Sara tightly against him, wanting more than anything to save her, to protect her from everything that seemed to fall apart around them.

He realised that perhaps she would never know just how much this night had meant to him, just how good it felt to have her back in his embrace and to know that she would stay that they had created something consistently imperfect. All of the fleeting lust that had created not long ago them fading into the shadows, as all of the years they had known each other had worn on their hearts without warning, forcing them to fall in love in the worst sort of way.


	23. Chapter 23

Last chapter everyone- I hope you have liked this story, or at least found it interesting!

Review- let me know what you think!

Thank you all for reading and reviewing :)

**Dead Nature**

**(Twenty Two)**

"It's going to be okay" Greg whispered in her ear, taking Sara's hand in his own leading her through the doors to the Las Vegas Crime Lab. It had felt like forever since she had walked through these doors, made her way into this building, but she knew that at some stage she would have to. And as she met Greg's eye it occurred to her that she was ready.

"Okay" She smiled. "Let's do this"

Nothing seemed to have changed; the lab seemed to be exactly the way she had left it; the same rooms, the same people, the same sounds. People were still rushing about with results, evidence and information. A shiver ran up her spine, as she moved to walk closer beside Greg- the smell of his cologne provided her with comfort as she attempted to readjust to her surroundings.

During the short walk to Russell's office it felt as if everyone's eyes were on her- watching as she took every step. The glass walls of all the individual labs were like a display case onto the hallway.

"Ignore them" Greg muttered to her, holding onto her hand tighter.

"Sara" Russell looked up at her with slight shock. "What can I do for you two?"

"I...I came to see if it would be possible for me to get my job back..." She said nervously not knowing how he would react. After everything she even wondered if the team would accept her back. As much as Greg had tried to not let on how hard things had been, how strained his relations had been with their old friends, she could sense it. Sara had seen him come home, exhausted and dejected. He'd had to cope with so many things because of her- because of how they felt for each other and what that had done to their lives.

"We can certainly talk about it" He said placing the files in his hands down, sitting indicating for them to do the same. "How are you, how are you feeling?"

"I'm well...I've been doing well" Sara nodded and squeezed Greg's hand turning to look at him. "I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without Greg"

"I'm glad to see you two have pulled through this" Russell nodded, an odd sense of support from his part. "Sara as much as I want to say that you can just have your job back- the decision is a little above my pay grade... but the first thing you need to do is have a psych evaluation to show that you are able to come back to work..."

"I know...And I'm ready to do that..." Sara nodded; realising that getting back to work wasn't going to be as easy as she would have liked it to be.

"Okay...well I will contact the department shrink...and contact you with the details of that..." He nodded. "Are you sure, you want to do this?"

"Yes..." Her voice was firmer than she had expected it to be. "I need to get out of the house...I'm going insane...not doing anything...being by myself all the time..."

"Okay... if you're sure...then we're sure..." He nodded. "Did you go to the trial?"

"No" Sara shook her head. "No. And I didn't want to go..."

"They were going to find him guilty anyway" Greg stated.

"I know" Sara took a deep breath, shifting slightly. "They have no reason not to- he did all of those things... to all of those women..."

"It's good to get closure..." Russell stated.

"We should go" Sara replied not knowing what to say. She knew that he was right, but she didn't want to go the trail, she wasn't asked to testify and listening to everything that he'd done was in no why going to help her keep above water.

They said their goodbyes, making their way out of the lab realising that this had been one big step towards normality.

"Sara..." Nick frowned slightly as he saw her, and as Sara feared the worst kind of judgement, but his expression softened. "How are you doing?"

"Okay..." She nodded with a weak smile.

"Well take your time...Don't rush back to work... We're working Greg to the ground to make up for you not being here" He laughed, jokingly punching Greg's shoulder.

"He's not lying about that one" Greg added wide eyed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, bringing her body closer to his. Nick's mood seemed to shift but he remained silent over the issue realising that this was a change that he was going to have to learn to accept.

"I'll see you guys around" He nodded a goodbye. "I've got to get some results from Hodges- I'll let him know you're doing good"

"Thank you..." Sara found herself smiling in a way that didn't feel forced. "That went surprisingly well" She muttered to Greg as they made their way into the parking lot.

"It did..." He smiled, turning to face her. "Come here" Greg tucked her hair behind her ear, his arms wrapping firmly around her waist as he kissed her, the elation of the afternoon settling into their systems.

"Thank you...For not giving up on me" She whispered, resting her hands against his chest.

"I love..." Greg frowned at her. "I'm never going to give up on you..."

"Never..." Sara smirked- quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Never..." He shook his head.

"I'll hold you to that Gregory Hojem-Sanders" She laughed.

"I hope you do..." Their eyes met, and it was as if the world had slowed slightly in that moment. It felt more than overwhelming to Sara to find that she had fallen in love like this all over again. And that despite everything the way Greg looked at her had not changed from the moment that they had met. It struck her odd that she was surer about wanting to be with him than anything else in her life.

"I have something for you..." Greg said quietly, reaching into his jacket pocket. "I was going to give this to you later but...there is no time like the present" A small velvet box was pressed against his palm. Opening the box he turned it for Sara to see the ring glittering inside. "It's an eternity ring..."

"It's beautiful...but I can't accept that Greg..." She shook her head studying the diamond studded band he was offering.

"Why not?" He frowned again.

"I...I just can't..." She shook her head, pursing her lips.

"This is it Sara...I don't want anything else... You are everything I want" He paused taking a deep breath, running his tongue over his lower lip. "Don't you feel the same way?"

"I do... I feel exactly the same way" Sara assured him with muttered words.

"Then keep this..." His eyes softened. "Please"

The air seemed to still as Greg stood back waiting for a response- Sara offered her his hand- waiting for him to slip the ring on. He couldn't suppress the smile on his lips as he did, and she realised as she watched his eye light up, it was worth it.

"Thank you" She kissed him.

"What would you like to do now?" He asked climbing into the driver's side as Sara followed suit sitting in the passenger seat.

"Let's go home..." The devilish look in her eye catching him off guard, Greg's jaw fell open slightly it occurred to him what she meant, what she wanted. Their work with Heather Kessler had paid off- they had found themselves slowly becoming as comfortable as they had once been with each other during sex.

"That sounds good to me" He smiled sweetly attempting to seem completely oblivious driving on to the main road.

The warmth of their home welcomed them as they made their way towards the door, letters had piled up on the door mat but beyond that nothing else had changed since they had left earlier that day. Greg flicked through the envelopes handing one to Sara as she collapsed onto the sofa- carefully studying the post mark.

"What is it?" Greg shouted over his shoulder making his way into the kitchen.

"They are writing to formally inform me that Ivan Becker has been found guilty...And he's going to be executed..." She said slowly re-reading the letter to make sure that she had understood what it said correctly.

Greg made his way back into the living room two glasses of wine in his hands; passing one to Sara he perched on the sofa opposite her studying her expression carefully.

"Are you okay?" He attempted to gauge how she was feeling in that moment.

"Yes...I...am...I'm in shock I guess..." She took a sip of her wine. "I... I've spent so long trying to push it side, not thinking about what was going to happen... But it's now it's on paper... It's actually happening..."

"This is a lot to process" Greg agreed.

"I guess I will be getting that closure..." Sara looked at him wide eyed. He could feel a shiver swim up his spine as he saw the way she seemed to be lost amongst ghosts in that moment. Despite everything Ivan Becker was still buried in her mind.

Sara still faced him every day, in her night mares, on her skin. The circle he had carved into her thigh stood out against her pale skin refusing to fade away. With all of the improvements some of the problems seemed to remain. They were still working through so much.

"I'm okay" She gave a laugh that seemed to echo through the room. Sara smiled at him, tears stinging her eyes slightly as she pushed aside as many memories she could. "I'm okay"

Greg placed his wine aside, moving towards her, wrapping Sara up in his arms holding her close as everything that was happening sunk in- their lives finally anchored in place. She held on to him knowing that the only thing that mattered now was how they moved forward- how they kept going. Because the only thing she needed now was Greg.

By the time of the execution came she barely felt anything- the buildings of the prison sent a shiver through her core. Greg's hand remained firmly holding hers, keeping her in touch with reality, his body firmly by her side. His dark eyes met her questioningly as they were led to the witness room.

This was really happening- and she needed to see it- the subtly of his questioning being returned with a small nod as their seats were indicated to them.

The families of the other victims surrounded them, their expressions exhausted, wary, and heartbroken. There would be no closure to remedy their loss. Sara found herself feeling guilty as she turned to Greg- she'd survived- she'd made it through.

It was a clear window and she knew that the moment the curtain was drawn back he would be able to see her. The thought making her head spin, her mouth go dry and her stomach twisting into knots.

And he did. She found herself meeting his eye as the IV sent toxins into his body- Greg held onto her hand tighter, his body moving physically closer- his need to protect her more than clear. The life slowly drained out of Ivan until there was none left at all.

A sob escaped into the room and no one seemed to be able to tell if it was them- if it had been their sounds of relief to see him die.

As they stood up Greg wrapped his arms around Sara pulling her into a fierce embrace, she buried her face in his neck, tears of what seemed like relief soaking his skin as she found herself unable to let go of him.

"It's going to be okay..." Greg whispered to her- the sound of his voice, the smell of his skin, the feeling of his body saving her sanity.

As Sara held on to him she knew that perhaps one day it all would be- it was over- it had all been ended.

**The End**


End file.
